What is it with Jewish people and setting each other up?
One of my non-Jewish colleagues said to me once, "It's nice that you do that for each other. When I was single, it was like I was on my own; but my Chinese and Jewish friends always had family and friends setting them up. I wish I had that."
I can't speak for Chinese, but in my experience this is how it rolls in my crew: "Oh you're Jewish? He's Jewish too! Let's set you two up!"
It doesn't matter that he has the personality of a bread crumb. It doesn't matter that he may feel like sewing his wild oats until he reaches 40 or 50. What matters is, you both have the same cultural background, therefore there's a one in 10 million chances the set-up will be a success.
This has been my experience over the last several years. And on the heels of Rosh Hashana, the issue is arising again. Bubbies get together at a table and reveal their single cards. She'd be a good match for him, he's too old for her, he's too young for her, these two are the same age but he has no career. It's like sorting laundry - whites, lights, and darks.
We'll see what this new set-up brings.
"He comes from a wealthy family you know."
Yes that's the winning ticket isn't it.
It hasn't been so for me yet. We'll see this time.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
How to Nicely Dump a Man/Boy/Guy
It's never easy to break-up with someone.
Why does it seem just as difficult to tell someone after a date or two that you're not into them as it is to break-off a long-term relationship?
I went out with a guy recently on one real date and one half date (he joined in on brunch with me and his sister - the yenta of this matchmaking situation). On the real date we simply went to a semi-cute (actually pretty mediocre) restaurant and shared a pizza. No booze. Just water.
The conversation was fine, but like most bad dates, it was interview style. No umph. No spark. Don't even think of kissing me goodnight.
The restaurant was not far from my apartment, so we walked there and back. As we stood outside my apartment door saying goodnight, he asked to come in. I nicely said no, that "my apartment was a mess." He said, "Seriously? You're not going to let me up?" I replied, "No, my apartment is a mess."
Um.
GET THE HINT!
1)This is just the first date - what exactly are you expecting?
2)It wasn't such a brilliant date anyway, so really...WHAT ARE YOU EXPECTING??
I let the evening wash over me and thought about the guy. Nice? Yes. Good looking? Not especially, but that's a subjective thing. One man's feast is another man's poison. Chemistry? None.
Anyway, I was luckily going out of town for a week following the date, and in his follow-up call I specifically said, "I will call YOU." Did he listen? Nope!
He called the minute I was back in town.
I dodged his calls for a few days and then finally mustered-up the courage to do the phone version of "it's not me, it's you."
I called him back as a friend of mine was coming over for a nice summer walk. I figured having her show up would be a good ending point, but the guy didn't take the "thanks but no thanks" too well. 36 minutes and 36 seconds later according to my cell phone, I had to convince him I wasn't the girl for him.
It turned into a therapy session.
In this case, I think it's my fault. I should have just said, "Look, I'm just not into you." (or something similar). But I went on about how wonderful he was, but I was wanting to see how it went with someone else. That led him to ask me if it didn't work out with bachelor number one, would I give him a chance. That just made me think he was pathetic.
My girlfriend and I were out for the walk this entire time and she was restraining herself from rolling on the ground laughing hysterically.
So here's my tip to the ladies out there:
1) Break it off quickly. If you feel you need to go the phone route then just be sure you have the guts (unlike me) to cut the conversation short. Don't cater to their ego, or lack thereof.
2) Berger did it on a post-it note, why can't we? Men insist on texting or PINing us to make plans and to chat, why not use it to break things off? Its quick and painless.
3) Remember, if you're dumping the guy after one or two dates, you shouldn't feel badly about it. If they're giving you the guilt like this dude did to me, then there's something wrong with him. If this is a month or so later and you've been dating a lot, then show a little compassion - hang in there for the 36 minutes. You never know when you may bump into them again. You also never know if they have a really hot single friend.
Why does it seem just as difficult to tell someone after a date or two that you're not into them as it is to break-off a long-term relationship?
I went out with a guy recently on one real date and one half date (he joined in on brunch with me and his sister - the yenta of this matchmaking situation). On the real date we simply went to a semi-cute (actually pretty mediocre) restaurant and shared a pizza. No booze. Just water.
The conversation was fine, but like most bad dates, it was interview style. No umph. No spark. Don't even think of kissing me goodnight.
The restaurant was not far from my apartment, so we walked there and back. As we stood outside my apartment door saying goodnight, he asked to come in. I nicely said no, that "my apartment was a mess." He said, "Seriously? You're not going to let me up?" I replied, "No, my apartment is a mess."
Um.
GET THE HINT!
1)This is just the first date - what exactly are you expecting?
2)It wasn't such a brilliant date anyway, so really...WHAT ARE YOU EXPECTING??
I let the evening wash over me and thought about the guy. Nice? Yes. Good looking? Not especially, but that's a subjective thing. One man's feast is another man's poison. Chemistry? None.
Anyway, I was luckily going out of town for a week following the date, and in his follow-up call I specifically said, "I will call YOU." Did he listen? Nope!
He called the minute I was back in town.
I dodged his calls for a few days and then finally mustered-up the courage to do the phone version of "it's not me, it's you."
I called him back as a friend of mine was coming over for a nice summer walk. I figured having her show up would be a good ending point, but the guy didn't take the "thanks but no thanks" too well. 36 minutes and 36 seconds later according to my cell phone, I had to convince him I wasn't the girl for him.
It turned into a therapy session.
In this case, I think it's my fault. I should have just said, "Look, I'm just not into you." (or something similar). But I went on about how wonderful he was, but I was wanting to see how it went with someone else. That led him to ask me if it didn't work out with bachelor number one, would I give him a chance. That just made me think he was pathetic.
My girlfriend and I were out for the walk this entire time and she was restraining herself from rolling on the ground laughing hysterically.
So here's my tip to the ladies out there:
1) Break it off quickly. If you feel you need to go the phone route then just be sure you have the guts (unlike me) to cut the conversation short. Don't cater to their ego, or lack thereof.
2) Berger did it on a post-it note, why can't we? Men insist on texting or PINing us to make plans and to chat, why not use it to break things off? Its quick and painless.
3) Remember, if you're dumping the guy after one or two dates, you shouldn't feel badly about it. If they're giving you the guilt like this dude did to me, then there's something wrong with him. If this is a month or so later and you've been dating a lot, then show a little compassion - hang in there for the 36 minutes. You never know when you may bump into them again. You also never know if they have a really hot single friend.
Friday, August 29, 2008
For All the Ladies Out There
A good friend of mine sent this to me and she suggested I post it.
I do not know who the original author is, but I would like to credit her (or him!). So if anyone knows, please tell me.
These are words to live by:
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve
then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself
a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant,
why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has
more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
Oh Lord!? If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way
street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is
nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists
of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and
your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
I do not know who the original author is, but I would like to credit her (or him!). So if anyone knows, please tell me.
These are words to live by:
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve
then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself
a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant,
why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has
more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
Oh Lord!? If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way
street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is
nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists
of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and
your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
How a One Night Stand Can Go Oh-So-Wrong
As promised, I'm sharing a very personal one-night stand story.
It's funny and horrifying all in one. I think more horrifying for me, but entertaining for everyone else.
Here it goes:
Context - I was at school in the UK and it was our last night before we went home after class the following day. I was staying at a bed & breakfast in town.
This is an email I sent to my friends the following morning, still a little drunk.
_______________________________________________________________________________
So it was our last night out as a group here in Carlisle, UK. We went out for dinner to a nice Italian restaurant, had a fair amount of wine, and then we decided to go to some "pubs"... more a la clubs.
We go to one bar called Rouge where the DJ is a cross dresser...we left just before the chair dancing and flame throwing.
Rebecca and I went to another club called Mood. At first lame, but then got busy and reminded me of my Guelph days at The Palace.
I end up talking to this guy Mike (that should have been red flag number one...I swear that name is cursed for me!). We're getting along fine...he's fine, nothing that makes my heart go GA BOOM or anything, but as they say here...Heee's awww riiiiight!
Chatting away and I'm thinking, does he notice that I need to get my eyebrows done?
Apparently not.
After a while of good banter, he suggests we leave the bar...together!
You know this totally isn't me...I mean, I am the BIGGEST chicken on earth.
Rebecca (married with 2 kids) says she wants to stay at the bar...she was beyond any drunkety drunk drunk I've EVER been. She told me to leave and promised she'd get home okay. I hesitated a thousand times, but she shoved me out the door. So Michael/Mike and I left for the good ol' B&B.
He's from Yorkshire, and I make some ever-so-witty classic me pun about Yorkshire pudding and he takes that as a non-confidence vote in the sex department. I successfully recovered, and we had a good laugh walking home.
Back at my place, I go for it...we're kissing and all that nonsense...you don't need full details.
Then here's where a full gamut of nights past with the recent ex and Sex and the City episodes run through my head. 1) This isn't nearly as good as it was with my ex dumb putz 2) Am I ever going to be able to feel good with someone else...ever again? 3) Seriously? He doesn't notice my eyebrows need threading? 4) Good thing I'm that high maintenance I even got a bikini wax 5) Good thing I happen to have protection 6) When did the _SS get on the menu? 7) Wow...he's into this. Maybe this isn't so bad after all 8) UCH! NO! I need to figure out how I'm going to get this guy to go home!
Back to number 6 you say? YEAH! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT??? EW!!!!
And we're all lucky in a moment of shame this morning I deleted the picture I took of him scrubbing up in my shower!
Oh and he WASN'T CIRCUMCISED!!!! OH G-D!!! No offence but good lord it's OOOGLAY!
Between Charlotte's reaction to that guy and his "turtle neck" and Miranda and the ass man, and Carrie learning to have sex like a man...I'm thinking more than enjoying.
AND THEN....
It doesn't happen.
I don't get there no matter how hard I try, and alas...he can't stay hard. He apologizes profusely...blaming the fact that he had too much to drink. I said "its okay...its not only you. I've never done this with anyone I haven't loved."
And there it was...so I loved the ex commitment phobe. I mean, I knew I seriously liked him...but love? I don't think I thought so until I just said it.
So, no successful sex, condom thrown in the garbage, and he decides to stay and snuggle. That was nice-ish...the rest was brutal though. I thought to myself "okay, you can check that whole one night stand thing off your list now."
He fell asleep and started snoring. I booted him out at 3:00.
He wouldn't leave!! He kept saying "I'm not a bad man I swear!"...and kept putting the covers back over him. I'm like "I know, but you're snoring and I need to sleep and go to class in the morning." I whined and got stern, and threw him out.
He left a nice Lacoste watch behind....at least I got something good out of the evening.
Uch! I feel gross!
Its definitely going in the book. Chapter title either "the worst sex I never had" or "Jewish girl sees uncircumcised penis for the first time"
I go with title #1
It's funny and horrifying all in one. I think more horrifying for me, but entertaining for everyone else.
Here it goes:
Context - I was at school in the UK and it was our last night before we went home after class the following day. I was staying at a bed & breakfast in town.
This is an email I sent to my friends the following morning, still a little drunk.
_______________________________________________________________________________
So it was our last night out as a group here in Carlisle, UK. We went out for dinner to a nice Italian restaurant, had a fair amount of wine, and then we decided to go to some "pubs"... more a la clubs.
We go to one bar called Rouge where the DJ is a cross dresser...we left just before the chair dancing and flame throwing.
Rebecca and I went to another club called Mood. At first lame, but then got busy and reminded me of my Guelph days at The Palace.
I end up talking to this guy Mike (that should have been red flag number one...I swear that name is cursed for me!). We're getting along fine...he's fine, nothing that makes my heart go GA BOOM or anything, but as they say here...Heee's awww riiiiight!
Chatting away and I'm thinking, does he notice that I need to get my eyebrows done?
Apparently not.
After a while of good banter, he suggests we leave the bar...together!
You know this totally isn't me...I mean, I am the BIGGEST chicken on earth.
Rebecca (married with 2 kids) says she wants to stay at the bar...she was beyond any drunkety drunk drunk I've EVER been. She told me to leave and promised she'd get home okay. I hesitated a thousand times, but she shoved me out the door. So Michael/Mike and I left for the good ol' B&B.
He's from Yorkshire, and I make some ever-so-witty classic me pun about Yorkshire pudding and he takes that as a non-confidence vote in the sex department. I successfully recovered, and we had a good laugh walking home.
Back at my place, I go for it...we're kissing and all that nonsense...you don't need full details.
Then here's where a full gamut of nights past with the recent ex and Sex and the City episodes run through my head. 1) This isn't nearly as good as it was with my ex dumb putz 2) Am I ever going to be able to feel good with someone else...ever again? 3) Seriously? He doesn't notice my eyebrows need threading? 4) Good thing I'm that high maintenance I even got a bikini wax 5) Good thing I happen to have protection 6) When did the _SS get on the menu? 7) Wow...he's into this. Maybe this isn't so bad after all 8) UCH! NO! I need to figure out how I'm going to get this guy to go home!
Back to number 6 you say? YEAH! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT??? EW!!!!
And we're all lucky in a moment of shame this morning I deleted the picture I took of him scrubbing up in my shower!
Oh and he WASN'T CIRCUMCISED!!!! OH G-D!!! No offence but good lord it's OOOGLAY!
Between Charlotte's reaction to that guy and his "turtle neck" and Miranda and the ass man, and Carrie learning to have sex like a man...I'm thinking more than enjoying.
AND THEN....
It doesn't happen.
I don't get there no matter how hard I try, and alas...he can't stay hard. He apologizes profusely...blaming the fact that he had too much to drink. I said "its okay...its not only you. I've never done this with anyone I haven't loved."
And there it was...so I loved the ex commitment phobe. I mean, I knew I seriously liked him...but love? I don't think I thought so until I just said it.
So, no successful sex, condom thrown in the garbage, and he decides to stay and snuggle. That was nice-ish...the rest was brutal though. I thought to myself "okay, you can check that whole one night stand thing off your list now."
He fell asleep and started snoring. I booted him out at 3:00.
He wouldn't leave!! He kept saying "I'm not a bad man I swear!"...and kept putting the covers back over him. I'm like "I know, but you're snoring and I need to sleep and go to class in the morning." I whined and got stern, and threw him out.
He left a nice Lacoste watch behind....at least I got something good out of the evening.
Uch! I feel gross!
Its definitely going in the book. Chapter title either "the worst sex I never had" or "Jewish girl sees uncircumcised penis for the first time"
I go with title #1
Monday, July 7, 2008
Bachelor Boredom
So maybe my mojo is coming back...a bit.
Bachelor number three is a friend of sorts. We hang out, we PIN each other quite often - always flirty (on both parts), always fun, and most of all always welcome.
The thing is, how much longer can we sustain a technological relationship?
I hate to say this but, when are we going to take it to the next level?
I give him another week.
Then, he's getting the boot.
On that note. I had to give Michael 2008 the kicko-to-el-curbo.
He was lovely but he just wasn't for me.
I wasn't funny, I wasn't outgoing, I wasn't sarcastic. I was just...bleh.
His form of a joke was going for brunch and telling the waitress I'd have the steak.
Um...
I'm not a vegetarian, so that's not the issue. I'm not a huge red meat person, but that's also not the issue.
The issue is, that's just not funny by anyone's standards.
As charming as he was and said to me once, "You know I only live two minutes away, if I run I can be here in 90 seconds." That was a melty moment, but not enough to endure another dry date.
As I thought to myself, "please don't kiss me good-bye" I walked up the steps to my apartment and wished him a good day.
I figured he wouldn't call...but he did.
I'm a coward so I screened him and only texted him back a week later to say "Sorry for not calling, I went away for a week and I'm back to a busy work schedule and to be honest, a hectic social one as well. You deserve better than this. I'm sorry. Take care."
I haven't heard from him since, so I'm thinking he got the hint.
I'm really not that mean.
I swear.
Now if only bachelor lucky-number-three would get it together...
Bachelor number three is a friend of sorts. We hang out, we PIN each other quite often - always flirty (on both parts), always fun, and most of all always welcome.
The thing is, how much longer can we sustain a technological relationship?
I hate to say this but, when are we going to take it to the next level?
I give him another week.
Then, he's getting the boot.
On that note. I had to give Michael 2008 the kicko-to-el-curbo.
He was lovely but he just wasn't for me.
I wasn't funny, I wasn't outgoing, I wasn't sarcastic. I was just...bleh.
His form of a joke was going for brunch and telling the waitress I'd have the steak.
Um...
I'm not a vegetarian, so that's not the issue. I'm not a huge red meat person, but that's also not the issue.
The issue is, that's just not funny by anyone's standards.
As charming as he was and said to me once, "You know I only live two minutes away, if I run I can be here in 90 seconds." That was a melty moment, but not enough to endure another dry date.
As I thought to myself, "please don't kiss me good-bye" I walked up the steps to my apartment and wished him a good day.
I figured he wouldn't call...but he did.
I'm a coward so I screened him and only texted him back a week later to say "Sorry for not calling, I went away for a week and I'm back to a busy work schedule and to be honest, a hectic social one as well. You deserve better than this. I'm sorry. Take care."
I haven't heard from him since, so I'm thinking he got the hint.
I'm really not that mean.
I swear.
Now if only bachelor lucky-number-three would get it together...
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Just Say No Thank You
I have found it difficult lately saying no...to repeat dates.
As per my last post, I mentioned a few nice fellows who have expressed an interest in me, but the mojo is nowhere to be found.
The latest Michael has been calling but I've only texted back.
He called last Thursday and as busy as I've been (hence the shortage on blog entries), I could have made a few moments to call if I really liked the guy...right?
But I didn't.
The guilt is killing me though.
Do I call and just say no thank you? Or do I just leave it alone...
I don't want to have the reputation of a bitch or a badly-mannered girl/woman - it's just awkward. I mean, do you ever really want to be on the receiving end of that call? Do you want someone to say to you "look, I'm just not that into you" over the phone?
And I'm not willing to sacrifice any other time to be a mensch and go out with him to then dump him. Granted I'd have a clearer conscience but I'd also end up with the bill...and probably a several awkward silences on top of it.
My team of advisers have suggested I just let it go. Don't call, don't text.
Thank goodness for call display so I can screen his calls.
Here's to hoping I'm not cursed in the love department for life because I'm really just saying no (thank you).
As per my last post, I mentioned a few nice fellows who have expressed an interest in me, but the mojo is nowhere to be found.
The latest Michael has been calling but I've only texted back.
He called last Thursday and as busy as I've been (hence the shortage on blog entries), I could have made a few moments to call if I really liked the guy...right?
But I didn't.
The guilt is killing me though.
Do I call and just say no thank you? Or do I just leave it alone...
I don't want to have the reputation of a bitch or a badly-mannered girl/woman - it's just awkward. I mean, do you ever really want to be on the receiving end of that call? Do you want someone to say to you "look, I'm just not that into you" over the phone?
And I'm not willing to sacrifice any other time to be a mensch and go out with him to then dump him. Granted I'd have a clearer conscience but I'd also end up with the bill...and probably a several awkward silences on top of it.
My team of advisers have suggested I just let it go. Don't call, don't text.
Thank goodness for call display so I can screen his calls.
Here's to hoping I'm not cursed in the love department for life because I'm really just saying no (thank you).
Monday, June 23, 2008
I've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'...In Fact, I Can't Find It At All
Scenario #1 - Drinks at a cute College Street bar for Friday night. Good scene. Flowing conversation. A little awkward at moments, but overall a good date. He's nice, looks like Jason Biggs(ish), very sweet, endearing mannerisms; he's a gentleman. Not a lot of spark, but definitely worth a second date.
Scenario #2 - Dinner at an upscale restaurant downtown. Never in a million years would I go there as a casual thing. This is an anniversary-worthy establishment. He's sweet, smart, established, engaged once, married once - now separated, Bay Street meets creative genius. I dig it, but I can't think about kissing it...I mean, him. No butterflies, but I'll give it a second shot.
Scenario # 3 - Casual friends. Continuous rounds of dirty texting, flirting, and cute getting-to-know-eachother moments.
All nice looking
All successful
All nice guys
All menches
All interested in me.
...But I am NOT interested in them! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???
Why am I not attracted to anyone lately? I dream of a three-year-ago ex on a semi-regular basis, hoping he'll change and come back to me, when deep down I know he's not for me long-term either.
I just don't get it.
I've lost my mojo.
I have better dreams about Dr. McDreamy (I know it's pathetic) than any man I've ever dated or who is currently courting me.
SERIOUSLY?!!!!
WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?
Slap me stupid and call me Stella...'cause I seriously need to get my groove back.
...So...anyone got a cute 30-something Jewish bachelor with his shit together to send my way?
Scenario #2 - Dinner at an upscale restaurant downtown. Never in a million years would I go there as a casual thing. This is an anniversary-worthy establishment. He's sweet, smart, established, engaged once, married once - now separated, Bay Street meets creative genius. I dig it, but I can't think about kissing it...I mean, him. No butterflies, but I'll give it a second shot.
Scenario # 3 - Casual friends. Continuous rounds of dirty texting, flirting, and cute getting-to-know-eachother moments.
All nice looking
All successful
All nice guys
All menches
All interested in me.
...But I am NOT interested in them! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???
Why am I not attracted to anyone lately? I dream of a three-year-ago ex on a semi-regular basis, hoping he'll change and come back to me, when deep down I know he's not for me long-term either.
I just don't get it.
I've lost my mojo.
I have better dreams about Dr. McDreamy (I know it's pathetic) than any man I've ever dated or who is currently courting me.
SERIOUSLY?!!!!
WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?
Slap me stupid and call me Stella...'cause I seriously need to get my groove back.
...So...anyone got a cute 30-something Jewish bachelor with his shit together to send my way?
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Getting Emotionally Di__ed Around
I have my weak moments when it comes to (most of) my exes.
Really it's only Michael 2001 to 2003 that I really don't want to speak to again. Not only because he's a whiny woe-is-me cry baby, but it also reminds me what a fool I was to date him for so long. Two years of my life were completely wasted in that relationship. I can honestly say I regret dating him.
Since then, while I've dated primarily the douchebag contingency of the Greater Jewish Toronto Area, I still have my marshmallow episodes for a select few.
First, there's the one non-Michael. We'll call him Virgo. After dating Dr. Jerkass and being completely terrified of the opposite sex, I decided to get right back on the proverbial horse and date again. My friend who set me up with Virgo made sure he wasn't a shmuck. In fact, it came up in conversation once that he knew I asked that question.
He was adorable. The typical dark, Jewish, furry type. My type. He was very smart, well-read, strong interest in popular culture, loved to do the same things, and of course...there were sparks.
I remember I was so nervous around him we didn't kiss until the fourth date. We'd go out and when it was time to get out of the car I'd hug him and run. I was a dork. But he stuck with it...with me.
When we finally kissed on that fourth date, it was intense. It was the tantra of kisses.
Everything after that was a blur.
We'd have 10-hour dates primarily in the confines of his bedroom and the time flew like we had only seen each other for 10 minutes.
Four months later things were still going really well, but something was missing. I was in shock as to how happy I was. I finally was with someone who I REALLY liked.
Did I see marriage?
Not necessarily.
Not yet.
Did I see tomorrow? Next week? Next month?
Absolutely.
But to keep him, I felt like I was dancing on eggshells. My parents noted how hyper and eager to please I had become. Cooking for him all the time, being accomodating always doing what he wanted to do on dates.
In all of this, I didn't let Virgo in. While falling for him, I still didn't let him know who I was. He didn't know I was sarcastic and funny, he didn't really know I was smart. We operated on a very superficial level.
One night I remember cooking him dinner and while I was cleaning up I mentioned that I sold some jewellery M2001-2003 had bought me. I said, "he never got me." And Virgo replied, "sometimes I think you don't get me."
He was right. I was so busy trying to be perfect, I just didn't get it or really get him.
That night we broke up.
We didn't talk for a few weeks, but then we started to again. It took us a month to see each other, and when we did we physically got into old habits. It wasn't working. But I missed him and didn't want to let go.
He couldn't be friends and clearly neither could I.
Flash forward three years later he still can't be my friend. We've bumped into each other at a few "do's" in the last six months or so and its been fine. Actually more than fine. Yet part of me feels thrown back three years when we do see each other.
He wouldn't accept me on Facebook last summer, yet this summer he added me to LinkedIn. What's that about? Is that an olive branch? We email once in a while. We remember each other's birthdays.
It's torture.
Then there's M2007, which I'm not so hurt about. I wasn't that into him if I was going to be honest with myself but I liked having him around.
After we broke up HE wanted to stay friends. I wasn't that into it. Turns out we weren't good at being friends anyway. He'd email and say, "Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you today. Call you this weekend???" And he'd never call.
He offered to take me out for my birthday. He never did.
He said he wanted to see my new apartment. He never came over.
He was always a constant disappointment...and the expectations or the required actions were never that high to begin with.
But I am big on birthdays and this one for him is a biggie. So I decided to text Michael the other day counting the sleeps until he turned 30. He replied with "I miss your smile hun."
WHAT IS THAT???
You don't put that kind of sappy shmoopy shit out there and not expect me to be a little "what the????" about it. Don't dick me around!
And if you can't be my friend on stupid f%$&ing Facebook then don't talk to me at all!!
What kind of gratification do men get from emotionally manipulating women?
Is it power?
Wow. Woo hoo I can make a chick crazy.
Yeah...that's something to put on a CV.
Really it's only Michael 2001 to 2003 that I really don't want to speak to again. Not only because he's a whiny woe-is-me cry baby, but it also reminds me what a fool I was to date him for so long. Two years of my life were completely wasted in that relationship. I can honestly say I regret dating him.
Since then, while I've dated primarily the douchebag contingency of the Greater Jewish Toronto Area, I still have my marshmallow episodes for a select few.
First, there's the one non-Michael. We'll call him Virgo. After dating Dr. Jerkass and being completely terrified of the opposite sex, I decided to get right back on the proverbial horse and date again. My friend who set me up with Virgo made sure he wasn't a shmuck. In fact, it came up in conversation once that he knew I asked that question.
He was adorable. The typical dark, Jewish, furry type. My type. He was very smart, well-read, strong interest in popular culture, loved to do the same things, and of course...there were sparks.
I remember I was so nervous around him we didn't kiss until the fourth date. We'd go out and when it was time to get out of the car I'd hug him and run. I was a dork. But he stuck with it...with me.
When we finally kissed on that fourth date, it was intense. It was the tantra of kisses.
Everything after that was a blur.
We'd have 10-hour dates primarily in the confines of his bedroom and the time flew like we had only seen each other for 10 minutes.
Four months later things were still going really well, but something was missing. I was in shock as to how happy I was. I finally was with someone who I REALLY liked.
Did I see marriage?
Not necessarily.
Not yet.
Did I see tomorrow? Next week? Next month?
Absolutely.
But to keep him, I felt like I was dancing on eggshells. My parents noted how hyper and eager to please I had become. Cooking for him all the time, being accomodating always doing what he wanted to do on dates.
In all of this, I didn't let Virgo in. While falling for him, I still didn't let him know who I was. He didn't know I was sarcastic and funny, he didn't really know I was smart. We operated on a very superficial level.
One night I remember cooking him dinner and while I was cleaning up I mentioned that I sold some jewellery M2001-2003 had bought me. I said, "he never got me." And Virgo replied, "sometimes I think you don't get me."
He was right. I was so busy trying to be perfect, I just didn't get it or really get him.
That night we broke up.
We didn't talk for a few weeks, but then we started to again. It took us a month to see each other, and when we did we physically got into old habits. It wasn't working. But I missed him and didn't want to let go.
He couldn't be friends and clearly neither could I.
Flash forward three years later he still can't be my friend. We've bumped into each other at a few "do's" in the last six months or so and its been fine. Actually more than fine. Yet part of me feels thrown back three years when we do see each other.
He wouldn't accept me on Facebook last summer, yet this summer he added me to LinkedIn. What's that about? Is that an olive branch? We email once in a while. We remember each other's birthdays.
It's torture.
Then there's M2007, which I'm not so hurt about. I wasn't that into him if I was going to be honest with myself but I liked having him around.
After we broke up HE wanted to stay friends. I wasn't that into it. Turns out we weren't good at being friends anyway. He'd email and say, "Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you today. Call you this weekend???" And he'd never call.
He offered to take me out for my birthday. He never did.
He said he wanted to see my new apartment. He never came over.
He was always a constant disappointment...and the expectations or the required actions were never that high to begin with.
But I am big on birthdays and this one for him is a biggie. So I decided to text Michael the other day counting the sleeps until he turned 30. He replied with "I miss your smile hun."
WHAT IS THAT???
You don't put that kind of sappy shmoopy shit out there and not expect me to be a little "what the????" about it. Don't dick me around!
And if you can't be my friend on stupid f%$&ing Facebook then don't talk to me at all!!
What kind of gratification do men get from emotionally manipulating women?
Is it power?
Wow. Woo hoo I can make a chick crazy.
Yeah...that's something to put on a CV.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Forgetting What It's Like On the Other Side of the Fence
How many times have we cursed at the phone, or rather the person who is supposed to be on the other end of the phone, because he did not call?
How many times have we cried and cried because our hearts have been broken (dare I say, we've been dumped?)
But yet, we forget what it's like to be on the other side of that fence.
We forget that it hurts too, to be the dumper. It's not fun hurting someone else's feelings.
But this post isn't going to get so deep. This is about being on the side of the tracks that doesn't call but before it gets emotionally challenging. This is the courting stage.
As you know I'm a half-ass Jdater. I don't have a picture up, I don't pay, I go on it maybe once a week if that.
While on there a few weeks ago a guy - wouldn't you know his name was Michael - contacted me. As he turned out to be related to a friend of mine, I decided to give him the benefit of (one of) my real email address(es). This led to adding of the msn addresses and a day-long witty back and forth.
Then things went a bit too far - we added each other's BlackBerry PIN numbers. That's a big step! That's like three steps short of exchanging keys!
On top of that, he added me to Facebook!
I went with it because I knew I could easily delete the dude, but at the time I was thinking, "WOAH! SLOW IT DOWN A LITTLE BUDDY!"
So blah blah blah lots of talking, lots of laughing...seems like an okay guy
And then I was going away for a long weekend - Friday to Monday. He wished me a good trip, said we'd talk when I came home; but when I came back...nothing.
So I blocked him from my msn. I mean seriously, why make it THAT easy for him to get in touch with me. He's had my phone number for over a week now - he should step it up...grow some balls.
Nothing.
And then, on a Friday afternoon I see on my msn "Email Inbox (1 new message)"
The email reads
Subject: "hey"
Body: "So...wanna go for a drink sometime?"
I'm annoyed.
A few days later (and after much deliberation and third party input) I email back and say that I haven't been online much lately, wasn't checking that address and suggested calling.
He still emailed back.
He called the next night and I was unavailable to pick up the phone at the moment...thank G-D.
At this point there's been too much pre-date stuff that I've lost interest.
Call me rigid.
Call me impatient.
Call me whatever you like, but if you're going to ask me out have the balls to JUST DO IT! Bless those Nike marketers.
And now I've just deleted him from everything: MSN, BlackBerry, Facebook and my cell.
To my point though. I don't think (at least I hope) no one feels like this when they're on this side of the fence with me. I hope no one thinks that I'm such a complete doofus that they hate seeing my name on call display or they dread the idea of me calling/emailing them.
I'm sure I've been blocked - I don't kid myself into thinking I'm loved by all; but I certainly hope the other side of the fence - when it comes to me - is a lot more pleasant...perhaps a little greener...with excitement.
How many times have we cried and cried because our hearts have been broken (dare I say, we've been dumped?)
But yet, we forget what it's like to be on the other side of that fence.
We forget that it hurts too, to be the dumper. It's not fun hurting someone else's feelings.
But this post isn't going to get so deep. This is about being on the side of the tracks that doesn't call but before it gets emotionally challenging. This is the courting stage.
As you know I'm a half-ass Jdater. I don't have a picture up, I don't pay, I go on it maybe once a week if that.
While on there a few weeks ago a guy - wouldn't you know his name was Michael - contacted me. As he turned out to be related to a friend of mine, I decided to give him the benefit of (one of) my real email address(es). This led to adding of the msn addresses and a day-long witty back and forth.
Then things went a bit too far - we added each other's BlackBerry PIN numbers. That's a big step! That's like three steps short of exchanging keys!
On top of that, he added me to Facebook!
I went with it because I knew I could easily delete the dude, but at the time I was thinking, "WOAH! SLOW IT DOWN A LITTLE BUDDY!"
So blah blah blah lots of talking, lots of laughing...seems like an okay guy
And then I was going away for a long weekend - Friday to Monday. He wished me a good trip, said we'd talk when I came home; but when I came back...nothing.
So I blocked him from my msn. I mean seriously, why make it THAT easy for him to get in touch with me. He's had my phone number for over a week now - he should step it up...grow some balls.
Nothing.
And then, on a Friday afternoon I see on my msn "Email Inbox (1 new message)"
The email reads
Subject: "hey"
Body: "So...wanna go for a drink sometime?"
I'm annoyed.
A few days later (and after much deliberation and third party input) I email back and say that I haven't been online much lately, wasn't checking that address and suggested calling.
He still emailed back.
He called the next night and I was unavailable to pick up the phone at the moment...thank G-D.
At this point there's been too much pre-date stuff that I've lost interest.
Call me rigid.
Call me impatient.
Call me whatever you like, but if you're going to ask me out have the balls to JUST DO IT! Bless those Nike marketers.
And now I've just deleted him from everything: MSN, BlackBerry, Facebook and my cell.
To my point though. I don't think (at least I hope) no one feels like this when they're on this side of the fence with me. I hope no one thinks that I'm such a complete doofus that they hate seeing my name on call display or they dread the idea of me calling/emailing them.
I'm sure I've been blocked - I don't kid myself into thinking I'm loved by all; but I certainly hope the other side of the fence - when it comes to me - is a lot more pleasant...perhaps a little greener...with excitement.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
A More Serious Issue - Charity and Giving
While I normally focus on the lighter side of life, there is something plaguing my mind lately - the concept of charity and giving.
Some of us give money, some of us give time, some of us just lend a helping hand. Is one form of giving more charitable than another?
I think I do a lot of different charitable things. Whether I'm supporting a dear friend in his Hoops 4 Israel project, chairing committees for the Pediatric Oncology Group of Ontario, delivering food to families in need, or occasionally giving money to people on the street.
About giving money to people on the street: A friend of mine once took a strip off me for giving money to one of the several Yorkville hobos (and I'm not talking coveted handbags here). She said I'm contributing to "the problem" by giving them money. I'm not sure if I'm the enabler here - if I'm endorsing their practice of making a living simply by begging or if I am sincerely helping someone who is mentally and perhaps physically, unable to have a job.
There is one gentleman who I see in various locations south of Davenport on Avenue Road, Cumberland and Bellair. He was clearly traumatized by a fire or chemical accident. His skin is badly charred and scarred, he's missing a lot of teeth, his fingers are now stubs with blackened tips and his speech is pretty incomprehensible. On first glance though, you can see he's not only disfigured on the outside, but he's hurt inside and has a heart of gold.
Yes there's the drunken dude who has claimed the stairs outside Hugo Boss and Hemingway's as his standard spot. He originally began his "career" sporting a surgical halo. Since then he's lost 20 plus pounds (lucky man...sorry its true!), but continues to just keep his hand out to passersby.
Not that it takes sporadic yelling, or preachy diatribes to make one think, 'Wow this person really HAS a problem!' but I often wonder what stops this man from having a job of any kind. I once worked in a call centre for a summer selling timeshare exchange- after that I'm confident to say ANYONE can have a job.
The scarred man however, is the one I give to anytime I see him. I figure there is no job waiting for him nor a caring partner at home with a warm meal or comfy bed. Is giving money to him contributing to the greater economic problem? My friend may think so, but I don't.
As I emptied my wallet (of a lame ten bucks) to him yesterday on my walk home, I turned off my iPod to wish him well. In the past I've heard him say, "G-D bless you" so after I gave him the money I automatically said "G-D bless YOU." Saying that automatically after a sneeze is simply habit - yesterday I sincerely meant it.
But when I walked away, before I turned my iPod back on I heard him say thank you. I turned around to face him and said "you're welcome" but my heart sank. He smiled as did I, but I walked away feeling guilty. I wondered if he wanted more than just money. Did he even want money at all? He put his hand out toward me and even though I was listening to music, I felt I didn't misunderstand the gesture.
Would it have killed me to stand there longer and see if he wanted to chat? What if he has no one to talk to? Not that I'm the best person to be his temporary buddy, but maybe he just wanted a human connection. I felt like I should have hugged him.
Me, the personal space issue and germaphobe queen, felt like I should have at least rubbed his shoulder or given him more than ten seconds of my time.
I've seen him several times before and I'm sure I will see him again but what if that moment he needed more than just cash and I didn't give as I should have.
Where does the charity line stop? Does it stop? Is it charity or just humanity?
Does collecting silent auction items for a glitzy gala that generates only a couple thousand dollars to the cause after salaries are paid worth it?
Does handing out bagels and fruit at a basketball tournament really make a difference to the targeted children in need?
I guess my Jewish guilt is forever churning, which is a positive sign that I am likely a good person beneath all of my shallow commentary.
I just don't know what the right thing to do ACTUALLY IS anymore.
Some of us give money, some of us give time, some of us just lend a helping hand. Is one form of giving more charitable than another?
I think I do a lot of different charitable things. Whether I'm supporting a dear friend in his Hoops 4 Israel project, chairing committees for the Pediatric Oncology Group of Ontario, delivering food to families in need, or occasionally giving money to people on the street.
About giving money to people on the street: A friend of mine once took a strip off me for giving money to one of the several Yorkville hobos (and I'm not talking coveted handbags here). She said I'm contributing to "the problem" by giving them money. I'm not sure if I'm the enabler here - if I'm endorsing their practice of making a living simply by begging or if I am sincerely helping someone who is mentally and perhaps physically, unable to have a job.
There is one gentleman who I see in various locations south of Davenport on Avenue Road, Cumberland and Bellair. He was clearly traumatized by a fire or chemical accident. His skin is badly charred and scarred, he's missing a lot of teeth, his fingers are now stubs with blackened tips and his speech is pretty incomprehensible. On first glance though, you can see he's not only disfigured on the outside, but he's hurt inside and has a heart of gold.
Yes there's the drunken dude who has claimed the stairs outside Hugo Boss and Hemingway's as his standard spot. He originally began his "career" sporting a surgical halo. Since then he's lost 20 plus pounds (lucky man...sorry its true!), but continues to just keep his hand out to passersby.
Not that it takes sporadic yelling, or preachy diatribes to make one think, 'Wow this person really HAS a problem!' but I often wonder what stops this man from having a job of any kind. I once worked in a call centre for a summer selling timeshare exchange- after that I'm confident to say ANYONE can have a job.
The scarred man however, is the one I give to anytime I see him. I figure there is no job waiting for him nor a caring partner at home with a warm meal or comfy bed. Is giving money to him contributing to the greater economic problem? My friend may think so, but I don't.
As I emptied my wallet (of a lame ten bucks) to him yesterday on my walk home, I turned off my iPod to wish him well. In the past I've heard him say, "G-D bless you" so after I gave him the money I automatically said "G-D bless YOU." Saying that automatically after a sneeze is simply habit - yesterday I sincerely meant it.
But when I walked away, before I turned my iPod back on I heard him say thank you. I turned around to face him and said "you're welcome" but my heart sank. He smiled as did I, but I walked away feeling guilty. I wondered if he wanted more than just money. Did he even want money at all? He put his hand out toward me and even though I was listening to music, I felt I didn't misunderstand the gesture.
Would it have killed me to stand there longer and see if he wanted to chat? What if he has no one to talk to? Not that I'm the best person to be his temporary buddy, but maybe he just wanted a human connection. I felt like I should have hugged him.
Me, the personal space issue and germaphobe queen, felt like I should have at least rubbed his shoulder or given him more than ten seconds of my time.
I've seen him several times before and I'm sure I will see him again but what if that moment he needed more than just cash and I didn't give as I should have.
Where does the charity line stop? Does it stop? Is it charity or just humanity?
Does collecting silent auction items for a glitzy gala that generates only a couple thousand dollars to the cause after salaries are paid worth it?
Does handing out bagels and fruit at a basketball tournament really make a difference to the targeted children in need?
I guess my Jewish guilt is forever churning, which is a positive sign that I am likely a good person beneath all of my shallow commentary.
I just don't know what the right thing to do ACTUALLY IS anymore.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
A Classic Dating Tale
I'm in a sharing mood.
If I were ever going to write a book on my dating blunders, this would DEFINITELY be a feature.
I hope you enjoy this as much as my friends did at the time:
Date: August 23, 2004
Name: Jeff
Let me begin with the conversations on the phone. He seemed super nice and very chatty on the phone. Sometimes a little too much detail (i.e. "going to flake out by the pool, then maybe go horseback riding, play with my puppy (who is a huge doberman), etc. etc.). He seemed very
VERY excited to meet me, which freaked me out a bit. He even knew it was going to freak me out. Even one of his female friends told him he should probably stop it.
Anyway, he wanted to go for dinner and go-carting that night. Generally, first dates, especially Jdates, I meet the guy at the location - never a pick-up. However, he knew where I lived...he's a real-estate agent and we got to talking about the neighbourhood...he knew my house. Anyway, I got out of go-carting by telling him I had an early morning meeting and I didn't want to be out too late. He thought I was lying (which I was) but I told him I was being 100% honest, I just wanted to get some good sleep.
Dinner is obligation enough for the first date.
He says "okay, let's take it by ear, but let's not be OCD about it."
I was shocked.
But I had my usual delayed reaction and didn't say anything. I didn't want to go on the date at all now but I had already skimmed back once, I felt badly cancelling entire.
Flash forward to date time, he calls me to tell me he'll be 10 minutes late, then asks if he minds if we go to get the car washed. I said no problem, and he goes on about he's "OCD" about it (obsessive compulsive disorder)...that's the second time he used that term with me. I thought 'oh, he's not being rude that's his saying…stupid but okay this time.'
Anyway, the guy called back 2 minutes later to double check that it was okay to get it washed with me, or should he go before he picked me up....yet again, I said to come and get me first.
So he finally gets to my house...AND HE PARKS ON THE LAWN! What an idiot. I lived with my parents at the time, and they take really good care of the property. The back garden looks like Versailles. My mom acted cool about it but you know she was having a fit deep down. Anyway, I open the door and he shakes my hand and then doesn't look at me, just talks to my parents. He was a nerd with them "gee, its been a long time since I've had to meet the parents!" Yeah, well, you're a stranger and you're 35, I'm 25...suck it up.
We finally get going and every car wash in my area is closed.
Oh and FYI I was SO NOT attracted to him.
We went to this place mid-town, Spacco...very cute. The waiter was even cuter. I was actually
making eyes with him...ME! FLIRTING WITH A TOTAL STRANGER! My friends would have been so proud. I've never done that before!
Jeff was very awkward, kept moving around, couldn't sit still. He said I made him nervous, which "doesn't normally happen" to him. At one point we were both sitting on this bench at the table he was facing me, my side, and I was facing the table, but he had both feet up on the
bench with his arms clasped around his legs…like the fetal position...SO WEIRD! Let me remind you he's a 6 foot 5 bean pole!
Then he starts asking me about my dates, this , that, and the other. He asked me what kind of person I am, and I told him I'm generally a pretty open girl, I wear my heart on my sleeve. He said "No you don't." I was like "actually I do." He's like "To me, you seem like...how do I put it...you those castles in Scotland? They have a moat around them and a big wall and a draw bridge? You seem like you have all these boundaries around you. I think I could break down that wall, would you let the bridge down so I could cross the moat?" I knew I didn't like this guy anyway, so I went with it.
I just said
"you know what? I think you're right!!! I think I'm just not over my ex!" I made up a story how I dated this guy J for a while and we broke up less than a month ago and I just wasn't ready to move on. The whole night was dictated by this conversation...he couldn't let it go. He kept saying. "You could easily be my lobster, but I don't know if I could be yours...could I be
yours?" And on and on and on and on. "I want a woman on my arm and a slut in my bedroom...blah blah blah."
I kept up with the "I put myself out there before and I got hurt and I'm not ready to date, and yada yada yada." Two of my guy friends called me during my date and tried to get me out of it, but I didn't know if he could hear them through the phone. One friend was quiet
but it was too soon for the mercy phone call, we just sat down. The other friend was UBER loud...at some bar or something...JEFF COULD TOTALLY HEAR! Uch!
The guy was very complimentary, which is always nice to hear. How I seemed like such a sweetheart, smart, funny, intelligent, beautiful...everything. It was flattering, but like my favourite movie (Pretty Woman) says, "people put you down enough you start to believe it...the bad stuff is easier to believe" and that's totally true. The whole time I kept thinking "Did J think this?" "If this guy is saying this, do you think J thought the same?" That's all I could do. I thought about J the entire night. Much like I did with bad kisser Rob (that's a whole other blog post).
He asked me again if he could be my lobster and asked me to answer honestly and that there wouldn't be any repercussions. I kindly said "I don't think so." I was thinking inside "repercussions? Honey, I can walk home from here!" But I gave him the good ol' "but I have a great girl to set you up with!"
It was a depressing date I gotta say. I mean, I was happy to keep up with the "I'm not ready to move on" bit, which might be partially true, but I'd like to think that if another lobster came along I could. The best part was when Jeff went to the washroom and the cute waiter came
over with the bill. He's like "is this your first date?" I said "yip" He said "is this the last date?" I said, "YIP!" The he said, "well, when its over, you can stay and have a few drinks!" I should have, but the right thing to do was to leave with the date. I smiled at him and said good bye when I left.
Jeff asks again in the car about the "could I be your lobster" thing AGAIN! I wanted to throttle him! But he was much bigger than me and he unfortunately had the car keys. I just said that we could be friends.
I finally get home, give the guy a nice hug, and close the door behind me.
Just as I'm taking off my shoes and heading to the den to tell my parents about how stupid my night really was, my phone rings.
Its him.
"So!??? I just want to clarify, did WE decide that we would be friends???"
I answered in a sweet yet tired tone "Yes, I'll call you soon."
Hung up.
Never spoke to him again.
If I were ever going to write a book on my dating blunders, this would DEFINITELY be a feature.
I hope you enjoy this as much as my friends did at the time:
Date: August 23, 2004
Name: Jeff
Let me begin with the conversations on the phone. He seemed super nice and very chatty on the phone. Sometimes a little too much detail (i.e. "going to flake out by the pool, then maybe go horseback riding, play with my puppy (who is a huge doberman), etc. etc.). He seemed very
VERY excited to meet me, which freaked me out a bit. He even knew it was going to freak me out. Even one of his female friends told him he should probably stop it.
Anyway, he wanted to go for dinner and go-carting that night. Generally, first dates, especially Jdates, I meet the guy at the location - never a pick-up. However, he knew where I lived...he's a real-estate agent and we got to talking about the neighbourhood...he knew my house. Anyway, I got out of go-carting by telling him I had an early morning meeting and I didn't want to be out too late. He thought I was lying (which I was) but I told him I was being 100% honest, I just wanted to get some good sleep.
Dinner is obligation enough for the first date.
He says "okay, let's take it by ear, but let's not be OCD about it."
I was shocked.
But I had my usual delayed reaction and didn't say anything. I didn't want to go on the date at all now but I had already skimmed back once, I felt badly cancelling entire.
Flash forward to date time, he calls me to tell me he'll be 10 minutes late, then asks if he minds if we go to get the car washed. I said no problem, and he goes on about he's "OCD" about it (obsessive compulsive disorder)...that's the second time he used that term with me. I thought 'oh, he's not being rude that's his saying…stupid but okay this time.'
Anyway, the guy called back 2 minutes later to double check that it was okay to get it washed with me, or should he go before he picked me up....yet again, I said to come and get me first.
So he finally gets to my house...AND HE PARKS ON THE LAWN! What an idiot. I lived with my parents at the time, and they take really good care of the property. The back garden looks like Versailles. My mom acted cool about it but you know she was having a fit deep down. Anyway, I open the door and he shakes my hand and then doesn't look at me, just talks to my parents. He was a nerd with them "gee, its been a long time since I've had to meet the parents!" Yeah, well, you're a stranger and you're 35, I'm 25...suck it up.
We finally get going and every car wash in my area is closed.
Oh and FYI I was SO NOT attracted to him.
We went to this place mid-town, Spacco...very cute. The waiter was even cuter. I was actually
making eyes with him...ME! FLIRTING WITH A TOTAL STRANGER! My friends would have been so proud. I've never done that before!
Jeff was very awkward, kept moving around, couldn't sit still. He said I made him nervous, which "doesn't normally happen" to him. At one point we were both sitting on this bench at the table he was facing me, my side, and I was facing the table, but he had both feet up on the
bench with his arms clasped around his legs…like the fetal position...SO WEIRD! Let me remind you he's a 6 foot 5 bean pole!
Then he starts asking me about my dates, this , that, and the other. He asked me what kind of person I am, and I told him I'm generally a pretty open girl, I wear my heart on my sleeve. He said "No you don't." I was like "actually I do." He's like "To me, you seem like...how do I put it...you those castles in Scotland? They have a moat around them and a big wall and a draw bridge? You seem like you have all these boundaries around you. I think I could break down that wall, would you let the bridge down so I could cross the moat?" I knew I didn't like this guy anyway, so I went with it.
I just said
"you know what? I think you're right!!! I think I'm just not over my ex!" I made up a story how I dated this guy J for a while and we broke up less than a month ago and I just wasn't ready to move on. The whole night was dictated by this conversation...he couldn't let it go. He kept saying. "You could easily be my lobster, but I don't know if I could be yours...could I be
yours?" And on and on and on and on. "I want a woman on my arm and a slut in my bedroom...blah blah blah."
I kept up with the "I put myself out there before and I got hurt and I'm not ready to date, and yada yada yada." Two of my guy friends called me during my date and tried to get me out of it, but I didn't know if he could hear them through the phone. One friend was quiet
but it was too soon for the mercy phone call, we just sat down. The other friend was UBER loud...at some bar or something...JEFF COULD TOTALLY HEAR! Uch!
The guy was very complimentary, which is always nice to hear. How I seemed like such a sweetheart, smart, funny, intelligent, beautiful...everything. It was flattering, but like my favourite movie (Pretty Woman) says, "people put you down enough you start to believe it...the bad stuff is easier to believe" and that's totally true. The whole time I kept thinking "Did J think this?" "If this guy is saying this, do you think J thought the same?" That's all I could do. I thought about J the entire night. Much like I did with bad kisser Rob (that's a whole other blog post).
He asked me again if he could be my lobster and asked me to answer honestly and that there wouldn't be any repercussions. I kindly said "I don't think so." I was thinking inside "repercussions? Honey, I can walk home from here!" But I gave him the good ol' "but I have a great girl to set you up with!"
It was a depressing date I gotta say. I mean, I was happy to keep up with the "I'm not ready to move on" bit, which might be partially true, but I'd like to think that if another lobster came along I could. The best part was when Jeff went to the washroom and the cute waiter came
over with the bill. He's like "is this your first date?" I said "yip" He said "is this the last date?" I said, "YIP!" The he said, "well, when its over, you can stay and have a few drinks!" I should have, but the right thing to do was to leave with the date. I smiled at him and said good bye when I left.
Jeff asks again in the car about the "could I be your lobster" thing AGAIN! I wanted to throttle him! But he was much bigger than me and he unfortunately had the car keys. I just said that we could be friends.
I finally get home, give the guy a nice hug, and close the door behind me.
Just as I'm taking off my shoes and heading to the den to tell my parents about how stupid my night really was, my phone rings.
Its him.
"So!??? I just want to clarify, did WE decide that we would be friends???"
I answered in a sweet yet tired tone "Yes, I'll call you soon."
Hung up.
Never spoke to him again.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Only the Unattainable Make Me Tick
I've recently realized I've got a major issue: I am attracted to two types of men - those who will hurt me (emotionally), and those who would never be interested in me (read: gay, married, out-of-the-country).
I was recently on a press junket and one of my U.S. colleagues was SO ADORABLE, he looked like the guy who plays Daniel Meade from Ugly Betty. The catch? He's gay. So gay he matched his striped sweater to his striped socks. Even the other co-gay had to mock a little.
In addition to that is my constant attraction to the male species named Michael. I kid you not, I'm looking at going on my ninth Michael.
I met him randomly at a party a few weeks ago. It was a drunken mistake to give out my number, but who knows - maybe he'll be THE Michael.
There haven't been any married men to swoon over lately, although I have in the past. I'm not the kind of girl to act on those crushes, but I could easily identify it was their emotional (and physical) unavailability that made them THAT MUCH MORE attractive than the usual Jo Shlomo on the block.
As for those who are sure to hurt me at the end of the day.
No idea what that's about.
It's all in line with the unavailability.
Well, here's to Michael 2008. May he look like Daniel Meade without the wine goggles I was sporting, and may he treat me like the gold I'm supposed to think I am.
I was recently on a press junket and one of my U.S. colleagues was SO ADORABLE, he looked like the guy who plays Daniel Meade from Ugly Betty. The catch? He's gay. So gay he matched his striped sweater to his striped socks. Even the other co-gay had to mock a little.
In addition to that is my constant attraction to the male species named Michael. I kid you not, I'm looking at going on my ninth Michael.
I met him randomly at a party a few weeks ago. It was a drunken mistake to give out my number, but who knows - maybe he'll be THE Michael.
There haven't been any married men to swoon over lately, although I have in the past. I'm not the kind of girl to act on those crushes, but I could easily identify it was their emotional (and physical) unavailability that made them THAT MUCH MORE attractive than the usual Jo Shlomo on the block.
As for those who are sure to hurt me at the end of the day.
No idea what that's about.
It's all in line with the unavailability.
Well, here's to Michael 2008. May he look like Daniel Meade without the wine goggles I was sporting, and may he treat me like the gold I'm supposed to think I am.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Momentum: Life in the Toilet
When dating, I'd say it's important to figure out if you're into the other person quickly so as not to waste the other's time. Sounds obvious, but why do we bother with another when times between dates are so great?
I referenced J once before and how it took six weeks between our third and fourth date before we saw each other again; there is now another J dancing around my life (ref: Social Lubricant post) who now I think is getting ye ol' kick to el curb-o.
At the time of the first date with J2, the thought of even kissing the guy was a little unsettling (clue #1), but now our schedules have been pretty busy with social events, fundraisers (that he doesn't go to), cancelling due to work deadlines (that'd be him), Passover, friend good-bye parties (that's me), and again this weekend with more cancellations due to work (again, that'd be him).
It has been more than five weeks now since our first date. Yes, we've talked a bit on the phone here and there, but nothing that makes you want to take that phone call "to the next level."
(A good Jewish girl like me doesn't do that stuff anyway! I swear!)
I think its safe to say any momentum - and there wasn't much to begin with - is now in the toilet. In fact, I think it's made it's way through the sewage system, into the lakes, and is now sinking to the bottom to be sucked up by any plankton that may live in the abyss' deepest, darkest, lowest, surface.
I think this is a case where Greg and Liz might say "Honey, he's just not that into you!"
But then why bother calling? Why even make another date time?
A friend of mine suggested I say "look, why don't you give me a call sometime and if it works out great, and if it doesn't - it doesn't." I said it, but the guy didn't get the hint. He said he'll call me later this week to make a plan.
Oh J2, I'm really not into you...or your weird hair line.
I'm setting a rule. If you don't go out on a second date within two weeks -forget it. Move on.
If after the third date there are more than two and a half weeks between, send in the next douche bag.
I referenced J once before and how it took six weeks between our third and fourth date before we saw each other again; there is now another J dancing around my life (ref: Social Lubricant post) who now I think is getting ye ol' kick to el curb-o.
At the time of the first date with J2, the thought of even kissing the guy was a little unsettling (clue #1), but now our schedules have been pretty busy with social events, fundraisers (that he doesn't go to), cancelling due to work deadlines (that'd be him), Passover, friend good-bye parties (that's me), and again this weekend with more cancellations due to work (again, that'd be him).
It has been more than five weeks now since our first date. Yes, we've talked a bit on the phone here and there, but nothing that makes you want to take that phone call "to the next level."
(A good Jewish girl like me doesn't do that stuff anyway! I swear!)
I think its safe to say any momentum - and there wasn't much to begin with - is now in the toilet. In fact, I think it's made it's way through the sewage system, into the lakes, and is now sinking to the bottom to be sucked up by any plankton that may live in the abyss' deepest, darkest, lowest, surface.
I think this is a case where Greg and Liz might say "Honey, he's just not that into you!"
But then why bother calling? Why even make another date time?
A friend of mine suggested I say "look, why don't you give me a call sometime and if it works out great, and if it doesn't - it doesn't." I said it, but the guy didn't get the hint. He said he'll call me later this week to make a plan.
Oh J2, I'm really not into you...or your weird hair line.
I'm setting a rule. If you don't go out on a second date within two weeks -forget it. Move on.
If after the third date there are more than two and a half weeks between, send in the next douche bag.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Text Sex: The New Dirty Talk?!
There are two kinds of men: those who talk dirty, and those who don't.
Those who don't aren't necessarily lacking in sass, they just seem to respect women (and when I say women, I mean me) a little bit more than to go right for the "when are we getting naked?"
That or they try and seriously can't pull it off, and you almost wish they'd go back to their pocket protector days and stay there.
And then there are those that go right into the smut. Sometimes clever, sometimes a little covert slip of naughty, and sometimes obtusely grotesque...the latter is a huge turnoff.
I was talking to a guy friend of mine last night who is currently out of town. He met a girl randomly in a store the other day and they've been texting ever since. What started out with some very cute "nice to meet you" and "glad I bumped into you" sweetness, turned into "I knew I should have gone in for the kiss" (that's him: semi clean), "I like where your head is at," (that's her: mmm...borderline), and "maybe I'll extend my stay" (that's him: you're implying the nasty).
While still harmless, can I sound prudey for a moment and say, YOU'VE ONLY KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR FIVE MINUTES! LITERALLY!
All that for the ultimate hopes of a home run. And he's not a bad looking bloke. He doesn't need to resort to text sex.
Hmm...
Over the years I've been on the receiving end of a fair amount of dirty talk. But lately, a few fellows I've been talking to and half-ass dating, have dipped their toes in these said dirty waters with a few remarks, but I feel like if I cater to it or respond positively then I'm endorsing it.
I'm not opposed to the occasional smutty banter, but I assume Mr. Lobster would have a more sincere interest and express it on a mature level...at least initially.
Don't get me wrong, I, like any other girl, want to feel desirable and sexy. And when words are more accessible than actions, dirty talk is definitely a good way. But if actually talking isn't in the cards at the moment - if you're in the middle of a meeting or you sit in a fairly open-concept office, is texting the next best thing??
Granted it's definitely better than Facebook sex.
And if something like that does make you crack a smile and long for the next time you can see each other, then I'm all for it.
I just think if you haven't even had a date yet, it may be too early. Even after one date, I'd say hold off.
But like I said, I'm part prude...
I'd wait until the third date.
Those who don't aren't necessarily lacking in sass, they just seem to respect women (and when I say women, I mean me) a little bit more than to go right for the "when are we getting naked?"
That or they try and seriously can't pull it off, and you almost wish they'd go back to their pocket protector days and stay there.
And then there are those that go right into the smut. Sometimes clever, sometimes a little covert slip of naughty, and sometimes obtusely grotesque...the latter is a huge turnoff.
I was talking to a guy friend of mine last night who is currently out of town. He met a girl randomly in a store the other day and they've been texting ever since. What started out with some very cute "nice to meet you" and "glad I bumped into you" sweetness, turned into "I knew I should have gone in for the kiss" (that's him: semi clean), "I like where your head is at," (that's her: mmm...borderline), and "maybe I'll extend my stay" (that's him: you're implying the nasty).
While still harmless, can I sound prudey for a moment and say, YOU'VE ONLY KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR FIVE MINUTES! LITERALLY!
All that for the ultimate hopes of a home run. And he's not a bad looking bloke. He doesn't need to resort to text sex.
Hmm...
Over the years I've been on the receiving end of a fair amount of dirty talk. But lately, a few fellows I've been talking to and half-ass dating, have dipped their toes in these said dirty waters with a few remarks, but I feel like if I cater to it or respond positively then I'm endorsing it.
I'm not opposed to the occasional smutty banter, but I assume Mr. Lobster would have a more sincere interest and express it on a mature level...at least initially.
Don't get me wrong, I, like any other girl, want to feel desirable and sexy. And when words are more accessible than actions, dirty talk is definitely a good way. But if actually talking isn't in the cards at the moment - if you're in the middle of a meeting or you sit in a fairly open-concept office, is texting the next best thing??
Granted it's definitely better than Facebook sex.
And if something like that does make you crack a smile and long for the next time you can see each other, then I'm all for it.
I just think if you haven't even had a date yet, it may be too early. Even after one date, I'd say hold off.
But like I said, I'm part prude...
I'd wait until the third date.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
JDate Etiquette
Okay, so I tried the above-mentioned website several years ago and disaster is a very nice way of describing my experience.
A combination of verbally abusive dudes who can't even handle the words "I will give you a call later"- it had to be now, and an odd melange of Jewish riff-raff.
I think the most entertaining wrath I suffered was from the bug-eyed bugger who wooed and cooed for days and when I had to reschedule the date he replied with something like "If I was really interested in you don't you think I would have called?" He even went so far as to make an "old lady" comment.
I can't remember that bit word-for-word at this point, and if I can't quote correctly, I don't quote at all.
What is important to note here is, I never gave him my number. He gave me his. I didn't call him because he was four years younger than me and acted like he was still a pre-pubescent, girl-hating little boy.
At the other end of the JDate spectrum were the two guys I gave more than one date to.
Bachelor #1 - We'll just call him J. J was great at first. Cute, sexy, good talker, great arms. He made me feel beautiful; and he wanted to date me. He'd call me every morning and talked to me for hours. I was between jobs for the first part of our relationship, and even when I started my new job he'd call and we'd talk multiple times throughout the day, never shorter than 30/40 minutes.
But after a while, that's all there was. JUST phone action (and when I say action, I mean we just talked...he'd talk a little dirty, I'd just laugh...it's my thing). We went six weeks without seeing each other, yet he'd still call every day. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?
Long story short, I randomly bumped into him and we re-kindled things - until two weeks later I felt the same pattern happening again. I was done after that.
Next please!
Bachelor #2 - The second JDate disaster was one of the Michael mistakes (Michael #3). He had the makings of a good guy - nerdy cool, witty, good banter, got my humour, not super good looking but sweet St. Bernard dog kind of endearing cute. He was smart - a cardiac resident; every mother's dream. We got along like peas and carrots.
We worked close by and would see each other everyday, go out at night a few times a week, call every lunch hour. We were barfy cute.
He met my parents, called me while I was on vacation (even spoke to my parents too).
And then...
Well...
You know...
Some good clean fun happened. Well to be honest (so honest I even thought it at the time), it wasn't really good. It was fast, it was grunty, it was really dark, and I didn't know I could bend like that.
(sorry...too much?).
He drove me home like the good boyfriend should, kissed me as I got out of the car, texted me to tell me he got home...
...And then I never heard from him again.
What did I do? Was I...bad???
Two days later I called him when his usual call-me hour, and for the second day in a row, our usual rendez-vous afternoon break time passed without a word. I left a voicemail saying "I don't know if something happened, or you're just super busy, or if you just pulled a super jerk manoeuvre on me. Just a tip for ya: the day after is the ONE day you don't NOT call. You've made me feel really cheap, and you're the last person I expected to make me feel this way."
I said that in my most calm and hurt voice possible. Because I was hurt.
Really...just surprised and hurt!
I wasn't a major smitten kitten, I wasn't screaming "I love you" in the moment, I didn't do anything to send him running. I didn't get it.
He actually called that night but I missed it. He left a message and when I called back I got voicemail. Two days later and still nothing.
That was the first time I ever had an anxiety attack. I woke up and I couldn't breathe. In a panic I called Michael to say "I don't get it. I don't know what went wrong. If I don't hear from you, then I'll know."
And I never heard from him again.
That was Yom Kippur weekend and all I could think "G-D better threaten him to keep his spot in the book of life." I was in shock this had happened.
The next week I bumped into a high school/camp friend. She was finishing med school and was telling me where she was doing her latest rotation. I happened to say to her "Oh I was just dating someone there." She asked me his name, I told her, and her face went blank...
"Me too!" she said.
The lights dimmed, yoga was starting. We just looked at each other and went to our mats.
55 minutes later..."Namaste" and we ran to each other to get our respective scoops.
Here it was. Michael met me before her, but I was into moron J (as above) and then he met her. He and I got back in touch one fine August day, and that was the day he dumped her. Literally dumped.
She was all but planning the wedding while he was getting into things with me. One month later he called her to try and go out again - quelle surprise...I happened to be on vacation; the same vacation he called me on to say hi.
At the time this girl and I lived down the street from each other. You'd naturally think he would have thought of one while picking up the other.
He took us on the same dates.
Fed us the same shmaltzy lines.
The only difference was, he made us feel like nothing in two very different ways.
I never cried over him after I spoke to her that night.
I did however, lose all my faith in men at that very moment.
As I told all my friends this story, they spread the word around to others. Amazingly, lots of other girls who he had slept with and never called again, came out of the woodwork.
It's safe to say, I had a good hand in outing him and thereby forcing him to go undercover on JDate. It wasn't long until the majority of the Jewish female population had heard about him and he couldn't get any more dates.
He wonders why an irate girl chased him around Yorkdale mall. Not me...I only know about that because it was one of his "girls are crazy because" first date stories. What I thought was a hilarious tale, I now thought was completely understandable.
Anyway, the next guy I dated didn't get to know the real me. He got a very tense, semi-shy, eager-to-please girl with no opinion of her own and a fear of sex (or rather what happens after it).
Several relationships and four years later I'm debating...do I go back on the big J?
I caved and I tried the other night.
I go for the live chat, then move to msn (big steps here by the way). And then the guy sent me his picture.
Um...
My heart definitely didn't skip a beat.
So I ask you what is the proper etiquette here? Do I simply excuse myself from the situation (as I did) blaming it on a phone call or a pending tornado? Keep him on the msn-only track and eventually block him? I certainly don't feel compelled to share what I look like with most of these men.
Or...do I go out on a date with every shlump that asks? (I mean it would translate into some pretty entertaining blog posts).
I vote for A or B.
I'm done with the shlumps. I'm waiting for Jude Law.
A combination of verbally abusive dudes who can't even handle the words "I will give you a call later"- it had to be now, and an odd melange of Jewish riff-raff.
I think the most entertaining wrath I suffered was from the bug-eyed bugger who wooed and cooed for days and when I had to reschedule the date he replied with something like "If I was really interested in you don't you think I would have called?" He even went so far as to make an "old lady" comment.
I can't remember that bit word-for-word at this point, and if I can't quote correctly, I don't quote at all.
What is important to note here is, I never gave him my number. He gave me his. I didn't call him because he was four years younger than me and acted like he was still a pre-pubescent, girl-hating little boy.
At the other end of the JDate spectrum were the two guys I gave more than one date to.
Bachelor #1 - We'll just call him J. J was great at first. Cute, sexy, good talker, great arms. He made me feel beautiful; and he wanted to date me. He'd call me every morning and talked to me for hours. I was between jobs for the first part of our relationship, and even when I started my new job he'd call and we'd talk multiple times throughout the day, never shorter than 30/40 minutes.
But after a while, that's all there was. JUST phone action (and when I say action, I mean we just talked...he'd talk a little dirty, I'd just laugh...it's my thing). We went six weeks without seeing each other, yet he'd still call every day. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?
Long story short, I randomly bumped into him and we re-kindled things - until two weeks later I felt the same pattern happening again. I was done after that.
Next please!
Bachelor #2 - The second JDate disaster was one of the Michael mistakes (Michael #3). He had the makings of a good guy - nerdy cool, witty, good banter, got my humour, not super good looking but sweet St. Bernard dog kind of endearing cute. He was smart - a cardiac resident; every mother's dream. We got along like peas and carrots.
We worked close by and would see each other everyday, go out at night a few times a week, call every lunch hour. We were barfy cute.
He met my parents, called me while I was on vacation (even spoke to my parents too).
And then...
Well...
You know...
Some good clean fun happened. Well to be honest (so honest I even thought it at the time), it wasn't really good. It was fast, it was grunty, it was really dark, and I didn't know I could bend like that.
(sorry...too much?).
He drove me home like the good boyfriend should, kissed me as I got out of the car, texted me to tell me he got home...
...And then I never heard from him again.
What did I do? Was I...bad???
Two days later I called him when his usual call-me hour, and for the second day in a row, our usual rendez-vous afternoon break time passed without a word. I left a voicemail saying "I don't know if something happened, or you're just super busy, or if you just pulled a super jerk manoeuvre on me. Just a tip for ya: the day after is the ONE day you don't NOT call. You've made me feel really cheap, and you're the last person I expected to make me feel this way."
I said that in my most calm and hurt voice possible. Because I was hurt.
Really...just surprised and hurt!
I wasn't a major smitten kitten, I wasn't screaming "I love you" in the moment, I didn't do anything to send him running. I didn't get it.
He actually called that night but I missed it. He left a message and when I called back I got voicemail. Two days later and still nothing.
That was the first time I ever had an anxiety attack. I woke up and I couldn't breathe. In a panic I called Michael to say "I don't get it. I don't know what went wrong. If I don't hear from you, then I'll know."
And I never heard from him again.
That was Yom Kippur weekend and all I could think "G-D better threaten him to keep his spot in the book of life." I was in shock this had happened.
The next week I bumped into a high school/camp friend. She was finishing med school and was telling me where she was doing her latest rotation. I happened to say to her "Oh I was just dating someone there." She asked me his name, I told her, and her face went blank...
"Me too!" she said.
The lights dimmed, yoga was starting. We just looked at each other and went to our mats.
55 minutes later..."Namaste" and we ran to each other to get our respective scoops.
Here it was. Michael met me before her, but I was into moron J (as above) and then he met her. He and I got back in touch one fine August day, and that was the day he dumped her. Literally dumped.
She was all but planning the wedding while he was getting into things with me. One month later he called her to try and go out again - quelle surprise...I happened to be on vacation; the same vacation he called me on to say hi.
At the time this girl and I lived down the street from each other. You'd naturally think he would have thought of one while picking up the other.
He took us on the same dates.
Fed us the same shmaltzy lines.
The only difference was, he made us feel like nothing in two very different ways.
I never cried over him after I spoke to her that night.
I did however, lose all my faith in men at that very moment.
As I told all my friends this story, they spread the word around to others. Amazingly, lots of other girls who he had slept with and never called again, came out of the woodwork.
It's safe to say, I had a good hand in outing him and thereby forcing him to go undercover on JDate. It wasn't long until the majority of the Jewish female population had heard about him and he couldn't get any more dates.
He wonders why an irate girl chased him around Yorkdale mall. Not me...I only know about that because it was one of his "girls are crazy because" first date stories. What I thought was a hilarious tale, I now thought was completely understandable.
Anyway, the next guy I dated didn't get to know the real me. He got a very tense, semi-shy, eager-to-please girl with no opinion of her own and a fear of sex (or rather what happens after it).
Several relationships and four years later I'm debating...do I go back on the big J?
I caved and I tried the other night.
I go for the live chat, then move to msn (big steps here by the way). And then the guy sent me his picture.
Um...
My heart definitely didn't skip a beat.
So I ask you what is the proper etiquette here? Do I simply excuse myself from the situation (as I did) blaming it on a phone call or a pending tornado? Keep him on the msn-only track and eventually block him? I certainly don't feel compelled to share what I look like with most of these men.
Or...do I go out on a date with every shlump that asks? (I mean it would translate into some pretty entertaining blog posts).
I vote for A or B.
I'm done with the shlumps. I'm waiting for Jude Law.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Going Green
I have to admit, I haven't fully embraced the concept of environmentally friendly; I barely recycle. But I must admit, the alchie in me is quite enjoying LCBO's Enviro Chic movement.
I always say I am pro-global warming, because I hate the awful Canadian winter weather. However, I recently realized "warming" had nothing to do with the definition of the term, but alluded more to extreme weather conditions. Here I thought we'd be replacing pine trees with palm trees.
Anyway, I do what I can were I can. I am not - and doubt I ever will be - to wear hemp clothing, but I do appreciate a good Soyla product (bless those Lulu folk).
And as a single girl, it's not worth the joke or the gas to drive a Hummer, but I am a fan of the tonka truck varieties. My favourite is the Ford Escape, and luckily, it comes in a Hybrid format. I would also give the Prius a whirl when my Jetta lease is up (two years and eight months...and counting).
I mostly use Method cleaning products at home. But for those times when I look to brands I grew up with, I support some of their quasi-eco efforts. I figure they are trying to do their bit -cut them some slack Greenpeace!
Check out http://www.futurefriendlybrands.ca/ and you'll see good ol' retro Tide with a pretty new makeover in company with some other basics.
All in all, here's my advice:
I always say I am pro-global warming, because I hate the awful Canadian winter weather. However, I recently realized "warming" had nothing to do with the definition of the term, but alluded more to extreme weather conditions. Here I thought we'd be replacing pine trees with palm trees.
Anyway, I do what I can were I can. I am not - and doubt I ever will be - to wear hemp clothing, but I do appreciate a good Soyla product (bless those Lulu folk).
And as a single girl, it's not worth the joke or the gas to drive a Hummer, but I am a fan of the tonka truck varieties. My favourite is the Ford Escape, and luckily, it comes in a Hybrid format. I would also give the Prius a whirl when my Jetta lease is up (two years and eight months...and counting).
I mostly use Method cleaning products at home. But for those times when I look to brands I grew up with, I support some of their quasi-eco efforts. I figure they are trying to do their bit -cut them some slack Greenpeace!
Check out http://www.futurefriendlybrands.ca/ and you'll see good ol' retro Tide with a pretty new makeover in company with some other basics.
All in all, here's my advice:
- shower instead of taking a bath
- turn the lights off when you're not in the room
- turn on your A/C when only when you're home
Get out there and enjoy the day.
Don't be stuck to your computer like I am.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Hot Docs - Not Just a Film Festival...Every Mother's Dream!
I love this time of year.
Spring has sprung.
People come out of hibernation...it's game on for everyone.
But what I really love is the Hot Docs Film Festival.
It's the not-so-shallow side of me that enjoys a great movie about something real. Don't get me wrong, I'm counting the days until I can get "Carried Away" with the SATC movie on May 30th.
Unfortunately the festival really gets moving over Passover, which kicks off tomorrow night.
It looks like my social calendar will only permit one screening: Stalags: Holocaust
and Pornography in Israel but I would have loved to have seen the Beetles/Cirque Du Soleil doc entitled All Together Now.
Other goodies I'd like to hear about:
Song Sung Blue
A Road to Mecca
So whoever reads this (there seem to be a few of you) and who go to the festival, please let me know what you saw and how you liked it!
Happy Passover, and enjoy the weather!
Spring has sprung.
People come out of hibernation...it's game on for everyone.
But what I really love is the Hot Docs Film Festival.
It's the not-so-shallow side of me that enjoys a great movie about something real. Don't get me wrong, I'm counting the days until I can get "Carried Away" with the SATC movie on May 30th.
Unfortunately the festival really gets moving over Passover, which kicks off tomorrow night.
It looks like my social calendar will only permit one screening: Stalags: Holocaust
and Pornography in Israel but I would have loved to have seen the Beetles/Cirque Du Soleil doc entitled All Together Now.
Other goodies I'd like to hear about:
Song Sung Blue
A Road to Mecca
So whoever reads this (there seem to be a few of you) and who go to the festival, please let me know what you saw and how you liked it!
Happy Passover, and enjoy the weather!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Every Girl Has Her Regimen
My fascination with cosmetics started when I was a little girl and I'd watch my grandmother (I called her Nanny) put on her blue eyeliner through this gold and silver re-usable dispenser.
It seemed so exotic to me.
When she passed away - granted I was only 10 or 11 years old at the time - all I wanted was that dispenser. Today as I approach 30, that is still the only thing I need to remember her. Well...that, those sesame stick snacks and maybe some candied ginger.
I couldn't wait to wear makeup. And I went full throttle only two short years later.
I was there for the birth of MAC Cosmetics. I was a loyal customer at their Carlton Street location, which was also home to MAC Hair. So as my mom, sister, and I made regular trips to get our hair done, our nails polished and our various body parts waxed, we lingered around the MAC makeup counter.
At my grade eight graduation I went for the soft eyeshadow and the then trendy brown lipstick; and by the time I graduated high school I looked like I was prom-ready everyday. I spent extra time each morning with my four colour eye palette collection, my Pink Glaze lipstick and Pinch O' Peach blush.
To this day I still have some of those items. Luckily my MAC cosmetics really don't seem to expire.
Since then I've become a significant MAC whore. I call it brand loyal.
But lately I have started to incorporate other items into my repertoire, that I have proudly displayed in my "medicine cabinet" and readily accessible in my adorable Melissa Beth cosmetic bag:
It seemed so exotic to me.
When she passed away - granted I was only 10 or 11 years old at the time - all I wanted was that dispenser. Today as I approach 30, that is still the only thing I need to remember her. Well...that, those sesame stick snacks and maybe some candied ginger.
I couldn't wait to wear makeup. And I went full throttle only two short years later.
I was there for the birth of MAC Cosmetics. I was a loyal customer at their Carlton Street location, which was also home to MAC Hair. So as my mom, sister, and I made regular trips to get our hair done, our nails polished and our various body parts waxed, we lingered around the MAC makeup counter.
At my grade eight graduation I went for the soft eyeshadow and the then trendy brown lipstick; and by the time I graduated high school I looked like I was prom-ready everyday. I spent extra time each morning with my four colour eye palette collection, my Pink Glaze lipstick and Pinch O' Peach blush.
To this day I still have some of those items. Luckily my MAC cosmetics really don't seem to expire.
Since then I've become a significant MAC whore. I call it brand loyal.
But lately I have started to incorporate other items into my repertoire, that I have proudly displayed in my "medicine cabinet" and readily accessible in my adorable Melissa Beth cosmetic bag:
- Jo Malone Nectarine Blossom and Honey bath gel, body cream, and cologne
- Clinique Black Honey Almost Lipstick
- Smashbox under eye brightener
- Rosebud Perfume Co. Rosebud Salve - great on lips!
- Ahava Matifying Moisturizer - let's be honest, all Ahava products are incredible! Try the hand and foot cream to keep you crack-free all winter long.
And in the shower are:
- Olay Body Wash Plus Body Butter Ribbons - smells like berries
- Pretty much the entire Herbal Essences collection - they now all have different scents versus the original gummy bear scent AND the new bottles add lots of bright colour to my Restoration Hardware-ish bathroom
Hopefully one day my daughter (if I ever cave on the idea of having children) or granddaughter will watch me in awe as I go through my high-maintenance beauty regimen.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
The Friendzone
My girlfriend and co-worker who will just be named M for the purposes of this medium, always says to me, "I'm worried about you. You seem to keep putting guys into the friend-zone. It's like your defence or something."
To be honest, I have to partially agree.
While there are a few guys who make it through the gates and into the romance section, I guess it is safe to say some bypass straight to buddy.
It's funny though. I'm not a friend collector. In fact, I'm a chronic deleter of people on Facebook and my cell phone. If I don't talk to you, really don't imagine having any desire or reason to speak with you or see you again, you're deleted. Sorry, but that's the truth. (Note: if I am not keeping your endearing text messages anymore, you're toast).
However, I do have this insatiable desire to make (almost) all my exes into friends. Yes, there are a few that I'd rather never think of again, but overall the break-ups are sad - and mostly for the this-is-great-but-I-don't-think- we'd-work-married reason than anything else.
So...just because we won't get hitched does that mean we can't be....friends?
Maybe.
Probably.
As previously promised, I will get into the Michael series in later blogs, I'm just trying to figure out how to introduce the topic and in a tasteful manner. But in terms of this post, I'd be remiss not to mention Michael 2003 and Michael 2007. They were the only times I've ever NOT wanted to keep any flame alive - friend or otherwise.
With M2003, I was exhausted from the two-plus-year relationship. Constant fighting, constant crying (on his part), and terrible TERRIBLE...'playtime' (this is a public forum, I will keep this as clean as possible). When I say terrible I mean about 45 to 60 seconds...max! And if that painful minute didn't happen, I was the victim of a severe temper tantrum.
Enough said...more to come later.
When 2003 and I were finally done, we were REALLY done. Like a turkey that had been badly burned and overcooked there was no moisture left, the flesh had gone brittle and it immediately went into the garbage...no carcass left to make soup from DONE.
Michael 2007 was sweet. A liar, but sweet. I never trusted a word that came out of his mouth, but as I usually am complacent about things, I was hanging in there. I just couldn't be bothered to break up with someone at that point. I was starting to get into the thick of writing my Master's thesis and I just didn't need the headache.
Eventually weekly fights ensued and we mutually ended it.
But he said, "You've become one of my closest friends. I tell you things I don't tell anyone else." I sat there thinking "Honey, you're not the only one who tells me shit...get in line." What I actually said was, "You see...I've been you. I've wanted to be friends. But I don't need anymore friends." He encouraged me to take my time on that decision, but I knew.
Alas he still has a spot in my Facebook friend roster, but we don't communicate regularly.
It was only last week that I realized I've started to master the Friendzone though. When Bachelor March/April 2008 works constant late hours, dates are few and far between but phone-time is superb, I feel the spark that wasn't there on the first date will never ignite. He's sweet and funny, yet without umph, he's going to el f-zono (that's Spanish for Friendzone).
On top of that Michael 2006, who in a twisted way ended up being a dear friend, said to me as he kissed me and got out of my car Saturday night, "Wow! It's great to be your gay girlfriend who you make out with once in a while!"
I laughed hysterically, but truth be told - that pretty much sums me up.
I'll date you. I'll love you. I'll cry over you. And when I'm over it, I'll make you my best friend. I'll tell you all my crazy/dirty/funny/pathetic stories - romantic or otherwise - and maybe, just maybe, we'll slip up and have a little un-friendly fun.
To be honest, I have to partially agree.
While there are a few guys who make it through the gates and into the romance section, I guess it is safe to say some bypass straight to buddy.
It's funny though. I'm not a friend collector. In fact, I'm a chronic deleter of people on Facebook and my cell phone. If I don't talk to you, really don't imagine having any desire or reason to speak with you or see you again, you're deleted. Sorry, but that's the truth. (Note: if I am not keeping your endearing text messages anymore, you're toast).
However, I do have this insatiable desire to make (almost) all my exes into friends. Yes, there are a few that I'd rather never think of again, but overall the break-ups are sad - and mostly for the this-is-great-but-I-don't-think- we'd-work-married reason than anything else.
So...just because we won't get hitched does that mean we can't be....friends?
Maybe.
Probably.
As previously promised, I will get into the Michael series in later blogs, I'm just trying to figure out how to introduce the topic and in a tasteful manner. But in terms of this post, I'd be remiss not to mention Michael 2003 and Michael 2007. They were the only times I've ever NOT wanted to keep any flame alive - friend or otherwise.
With M2003, I was exhausted from the two-plus-year relationship. Constant fighting, constant crying (on his part), and terrible TERRIBLE...'playtime' (this is a public forum, I will keep this as clean as possible). When I say terrible I mean about 45 to 60 seconds...max! And if that painful minute didn't happen, I was the victim of a severe temper tantrum.
Enough said...more to come later.
When 2003 and I were finally done, we were REALLY done. Like a turkey that had been badly burned and overcooked there was no moisture left, the flesh had gone brittle and it immediately went into the garbage...no carcass left to make soup from DONE.
Michael 2007 was sweet. A liar, but sweet. I never trusted a word that came out of his mouth, but as I usually am complacent about things, I was hanging in there. I just couldn't be bothered to break up with someone at that point. I was starting to get into the thick of writing my Master's thesis and I just didn't need the headache.
Eventually weekly fights ensued and we mutually ended it.
But he said, "You've become one of my closest friends. I tell you things I don't tell anyone else." I sat there thinking "Honey, you're not the only one who tells me shit...get in line." What I actually said was, "You see...I've been you. I've wanted to be friends. But I don't need anymore friends." He encouraged me to take my time on that decision, but I knew.
Alas he still has a spot in my Facebook friend roster, but we don't communicate regularly.
It was only last week that I realized I've started to master the Friendzone though. When Bachelor March/April 2008 works constant late hours, dates are few and far between but phone-time is superb, I feel the spark that wasn't there on the first date will never ignite. He's sweet and funny, yet without umph, he's going to el f-zono (that's Spanish for Friendzone).
On top of that Michael 2006, who in a twisted way ended up being a dear friend, said to me as he kissed me and got out of my car Saturday night, "Wow! It's great to be your gay girlfriend who you make out with once in a while!"
I laughed hysterically, but truth be told - that pretty much sums me up.
I'll date you. I'll love you. I'll cry over you. And when I'm over it, I'll make you my best friend. I'll tell you all my crazy/dirty/funny/pathetic stories - romantic or otherwise - and maybe, just maybe, we'll slip up and have a little un-friendly fun.
Friday, April 11, 2008
For the Love of the Muppets
With all the hype around Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Jason Segel is this year's Seth Rogen. Both are funny, both (now) successful, and both Jewish. Yeah...it always seems to come down to that.
While Sarah Marshall is getting her own dose of incredible PR, there's a more important project in the works: a new Muppet movie (source: Variety Magazine). With Segel at the pen and Nicholas Stoller behind the camera, this is sure to be the funniest, and perhaps dirtiest Muppet movie ever.
In an interview this morning on Mix 99.9, Segel said he wanted to bring it back to the classic tone of the Muppets performing, versus having them in space or some other location where us true Muppet fans know, no Muppet would dare go.
A colleague of mine and I were reminiscing briefly this morning over some Timmy's (him) and Cranberry Juice (me), and we figured this is where the Muppets would be today if they aged with us:
Elmo: rehab for drug and helium abuse
Oscar: working at a seniors residence in the "cheer program"
Bert & Ernie: one would be working a cashiers job at the homewares department of some mid-range department store, the other suffering from some form of colitis or even worse colon cancer
Cookie Monster: in talks with Jenny Craig for spokesperson 2008/2009
Fozzie: head of entertainment in the Poconos
Miss Piggy: still a Diva living off her royalties from the good ol' days. Her diet consists mostly of champagne and frog's legs (it didn't work out with Kermie)
Kermit: competing with David Suzuki for the title of ultimate green spokesperson
Animal: a successful stock broker on Wall Street
Ralph: now suffering from arthritis in his fingers, he's resigned to drinking port to ease the pain and watching The Hills.
Beaker: a speech language pathologist
Bunsen: he invented Viagra
Swedish Chef: a reject from Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares
Gonzo: married, three kids, banker
Waldorf & Statler: Deceased. And those who know me, know I hate to even think this - I love them with all my heart.
I'm sure Jason will have a sunnier view of the Muppets today - I certainly hope he does.
I am forever six years old, loving every Muppet Show/Sesame Street (English & Espanol)/Fraggle moment.
Finally a Jewish guy who knows how to really get me.
While Sarah Marshall is getting her own dose of incredible PR, there's a more important project in the works: a new Muppet movie (source: Variety Magazine). With Segel at the pen and Nicholas Stoller behind the camera, this is sure to be the funniest, and perhaps dirtiest Muppet movie ever.
In an interview this morning on Mix 99.9, Segel said he wanted to bring it back to the classic tone of the Muppets performing, versus having them in space or some other location where us true Muppet fans know, no Muppet would dare go.
A colleague of mine and I were reminiscing briefly this morning over some Timmy's (him) and Cranberry Juice (me), and we figured this is where the Muppets would be today if they aged with us:
Elmo: rehab for drug and helium abuse
Oscar: working at a seniors residence in the "cheer program"
Bert & Ernie: one would be working a cashiers job at the homewares department of some mid-range department store, the other suffering from some form of colitis or even worse colon cancer
Cookie Monster: in talks with Jenny Craig for spokesperson 2008/2009
Fozzie: head of entertainment in the Poconos
Miss Piggy: still a Diva living off her royalties from the good ol' days. Her diet consists mostly of champagne and frog's legs (it didn't work out with Kermie)
Kermit: competing with David Suzuki for the title of ultimate green spokesperson
Animal: a successful stock broker on Wall Street
Ralph: now suffering from arthritis in his fingers, he's resigned to drinking port to ease the pain and watching The Hills.
Beaker: a speech language pathologist
Bunsen: he invented Viagra
Swedish Chef: a reject from Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares
Gonzo: married, three kids, banker
Waldorf & Statler: Deceased. And those who know me, know I hate to even think this - I love them with all my heart.
I'm sure Jason will have a sunnier view of the Muppets today - I certainly hope he does.
I am forever six years old, loving every Muppet Show/Sesame Street (English & Espanol)/Fraggle moment.
Finally a Jewish guy who knows how to really get me.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
The Spectrum of Men
As a (semi) single girl, I'm continually surprised by the different kind of "men" that exist out there in the dating world.
While I mostly date Jewish guys, I have dabbled different pools. I want to review the entire menu before I make my final decision. However, in the pursuit of happily-ever-after, I find myself staying withing the J-group for many reasons (many of which do not need to be addressed here).
Back to the buffet though...
I realized all men - no matter what cultural background - fit on a spectrum, with the bookends ranging from straight to gay and the midpoint metrosexual. In between these markers are colourful combinations of these orientations.
More common are the men who appreciate their Prada and Kiehls. Hey, even the sexiest of rugged men (aka Clive Owen) have "come out" using high-end beauty brands like Lancome. What better incentive for a man to go glam and still feel his twig and berries securely fastened than the Big O (Owen) himself. This type of man is what my friend would call the Hetro-metro - a man who definitely skews towards women, but likes to take care of himself (whether to impress her or himself is unclear). This man can also be found in Banana Republic or any major department store buying a great pair of Sevens or a cashmere crew neck. He confidently orders Grey Goose and knows how to buy a woman nice flowers (note to men: if the flower isn't naturally that shade of royal blue, it isn't meant to be purchased).
Towards the other end of the line is what my same friend calls the Getro-metro. This is the guy who is either gay and cannot come to terms with it, or a lesbian trapped in a man's body and isn't willing to take the transgendered avenue. He appreciates women's habits, choice of wardrobe, and spending time with the gals is his favourite pastime. Everyone around him thinks he's gay, except for those few females who enjoy his company enough to date him (and I assume sleep with him). No one dares to suggest he isn't playing on the right team.
I confidently say I date the Hetero end of the spectrum. This post isn't going to get into quality, manners or common sense of these guys, just their sexual orientation.
None of my bachelors are handy with tools (it's hard enough to find a Jewish man who can change a light bulb or catch a spider), and that's OK with me. I'm simply keen on the boy with good hygiene who can pull off sweats and a baseball hat for those lower key rendez-vous; and other times, knows how to wear good-butt-jeans and a nice sweater, buys me flowers from Teatro Verde, notices when I've got a new special-something on, and above all treats me like a lady.
On that note - happy hump day
While I mostly date Jewish guys, I have dabbled different pools. I want to review the entire menu before I make my final decision. However, in the pursuit of happily-ever-after, I find myself staying withing the J-group for many reasons (many of which do not need to be addressed here).
Back to the buffet though...
I realized all men - no matter what cultural background - fit on a spectrum, with the bookends ranging from straight to gay and the midpoint metrosexual. In between these markers are colourful combinations of these orientations.
More common are the men who appreciate their Prada and Kiehls. Hey, even the sexiest of rugged men (aka Clive Owen) have "come out" using high-end beauty brands like Lancome. What better incentive for a man to go glam and still feel his twig and berries securely fastened than the Big O (Owen) himself. This type of man is what my friend would call the Hetro-metro - a man who definitely skews towards women, but likes to take care of himself (whether to impress her or himself is unclear). This man can also be found in Banana Republic or any major department store buying a great pair of Sevens or a cashmere crew neck. He confidently orders Grey Goose and knows how to buy a woman nice flowers (note to men: if the flower isn't naturally that shade of royal blue, it isn't meant to be purchased).
Towards the other end of the line is what my same friend calls the Getro-metro. This is the guy who is either gay and cannot come to terms with it, or a lesbian trapped in a man's body and isn't willing to take the transgendered avenue. He appreciates women's habits, choice of wardrobe, and spending time with the gals is his favourite pastime. Everyone around him thinks he's gay, except for those few females who enjoy his company enough to date him (and I assume sleep with him). No one dares to suggest he isn't playing on the right team.
I confidently say I date the Hetero end of the spectrum. This post isn't going to get into quality, manners or common sense of these guys, just their sexual orientation.
None of my bachelors are handy with tools (it's hard enough to find a Jewish man who can change a light bulb or catch a spider), and that's OK with me. I'm simply keen on the boy with good hygiene who can pull off sweats and a baseball hat for those lower key rendez-vous; and other times, knows how to wear good-butt-jeans and a nice sweater, buys me flowers from Teatro Verde, notices when I've got a new special-something on, and above all treats me like a lady.
On that note - happy hump day
Friday, April 4, 2008
A Healthy Disdain
The other day a co-worker of mine swiftly shut up another officemate after he gushed for the umpteenth time "Can I tell you how much I love my boyfriend?..."
She simply stated,"How much longer are you going to start sentences like that? I'm telling you right now, you have one more week of it and then it's finished." (Keep in mind he's been dating the guy for six to eight weeks now...we've had our fill).
You don't mess with either of these people. She's a tough cookie, and he's high-strung uber-gay.
I enjoy them both, but you can only take him in small doses.
None of us can really take another second of the gushing. As terrible as this may sound, none of the heterosexuals in the group go on about intimate moments with our dates or significant others; we don't want to hear about his. More importantly, I don't want to hear about his.
Rarely do I like a guy enough after one date to kiss him, I don't need or want to hear that in the five dates he's had this week, he's planked each and every one of them.
Yes, general venting and/or excitement about great dates is accepted and mostly welcomed in the workplace, but geezus...how often can we hear how great sex is with this guy in comparison to the others, and how you just want him to come into bed with you after 'a long day at work.'
Barf.
Those cute and endearing Blackberry messages should stay private.
I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.
Then the female of the two made a great point: "I think it's important to have a healthy disdain for your partner."
What a great term. And how true. We all know relationships aren't perfect, so why pretend? Our collegial relationship will still dictate we be supportive yet remain somewhat removed when/if it all falls apart. By hearing how wonderful time in the romper room is right now, isn't going to make me more sympathetic later.
She simply stated,"How much longer are you going to start sentences like that? I'm telling you right now, you have one more week of it and then it's finished." (Keep in mind he's been dating the guy for six to eight weeks now...we've had our fill).
You don't mess with either of these people. She's a tough cookie, and he's high-strung uber-gay.
I enjoy them both, but you can only take him in small doses.
None of us can really take another second of the gushing. As terrible as this may sound, none of the heterosexuals in the group go on about intimate moments with our dates or significant others; we don't want to hear about his. More importantly, I don't want to hear about his.
Rarely do I like a guy enough after one date to kiss him, I don't need or want to hear that in the five dates he's had this week, he's planked each and every one of them.
Yes, general venting and/or excitement about great dates is accepted and mostly welcomed in the workplace, but geezus...how often can we hear how great sex is with this guy in comparison to the others, and how you just want him to come into bed with you after 'a long day at work.'
Barf.
Those cute and endearing Blackberry messages should stay private.
I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.
Then the female of the two made a great point: "I think it's important to have a healthy disdain for your partner."
What a great term. And how true. We all know relationships aren't perfect, so why pretend? Our collegial relationship will still dictate we be supportive yet remain somewhat removed when/if it all falls apart. By hearing how wonderful time in the romper room is right now, isn't going to make me more sympathetic later.
A healthy dose of bitching unites us all - it is the one thing we all have in common. Blissfully in love or not, it is human nature to find fault in others. It makes us feel better about ourselves, and somehow validates us and these social choices we make.
We all love to complain a bit; we would be boring people without a little negativity. Remember Alec Baldwin on Friends? That's my co-worker about this new relationship. That's annoying.
Mazel tov that you've found someone you like enough to see more than once. But either slip in a little scorn here and there or shut it.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Social Lubricant
I used to be of the opinion that I'd rather eat my calories than drink them.
More than four years ago, when I finally rid myself of Michael #2 (the M-series to come in later posts) and finally felt good about myself, I lost a lot of weight; so in the name of calorie counting, and in turn sobriety, I went "dry" for a few years.
I even got through several torturous dates without so much as a lick of vodka (the lowest calorie choice) or white wine (I learned the hard way not to drink red in public - not just for the teeth staining factor, but also many cute tops have been ruined by red wine mishaps).
However lately, I've come to appreciate the value this social lubricant has in various situations. A first date goes that little bit smoother (even though I'm still not sure I'd want to kiss him); a casual party of a melange of social groups is that much more fun; and patience with an old friend with even older issues, stays tried and true.
Not that I'm promoting alcoholism, I'm not. I adore my liver and make sure to detox is seasonally. I just value the gift of the greater gab booze provides.
Two of my favs:
CAVE DE TURCKHEIM GEWURZTRAMINER RÉSERVE 2005, $ 19.80
CONUNDRUM $ 25.95
Both are available at the LCBO in the Vintages section.
So girls (or in some cases boys), if you're going to come to a party, immediately go to the other side of the room and talk to the person you arrived with - drink up. Come over to the centre of the room where the majority are; you never know, you might have a good time and make some new [facebook] friends.
For those in a one-on-one situation, heed my advice: if after a glass or two you're still thinking thoughts of nausea rather than lust, gracefully exit the situation and move on to the next bachelor.
And re: my comment on patience. I am probably one of the most impatient people around. When asked to do something, I get it done immediately and I expect the same from my staff. I also have zero patience for incompetent drivers, wait staff, and salespeople. If you managed to get a driver's license, learn to use it properly. If you chose either of those above professions, at least do it with style. But when it comes to friends and family I give my heart and soul unconditionally; and in return I expect at least 90 per cent of the same. For them I practice patience.
To the person who I referenced above with the "even older issues" - if you ever decide to read this - I will only lose my patience with you when I unequivocally know your happiness will suffer...and I am starting to lose my patience.
More than four years ago, when I finally rid myself of Michael #2 (the M-series to come in later posts) and finally felt good about myself, I lost a lot of weight; so in the name of calorie counting, and in turn sobriety, I went "dry" for a few years.
I even got through several torturous dates without so much as a lick of vodka (the lowest calorie choice) or white wine (I learned the hard way not to drink red in public - not just for the teeth staining factor, but also many cute tops have been ruined by red wine mishaps).
However lately, I've come to appreciate the value this social lubricant has in various situations. A first date goes that little bit smoother (even though I'm still not sure I'd want to kiss him); a casual party of a melange of social groups is that much more fun; and patience with an old friend with even older issues, stays tried and true.
Not that I'm promoting alcoholism, I'm not. I adore my liver and make sure to detox is seasonally. I just value the gift of the greater gab booze provides.
Two of my favs:
CAVE DE TURCKHEIM GEWURZTRAMINER RÉSERVE 2005, $ 19.80
CONUNDRUM $ 25.95
Both are available at the LCBO in the Vintages section.
So girls (or in some cases boys), if you're going to come to a party, immediately go to the other side of the room and talk to the person you arrived with - drink up. Come over to the centre of the room where the majority are; you never know, you might have a good time and make some new [facebook] friends.
For those in a one-on-one situation, heed my advice: if after a glass or two you're still thinking thoughts of nausea rather than lust, gracefully exit the situation and move on to the next bachelor.
And re: my comment on patience. I am probably one of the most impatient people around. When asked to do something, I get it done immediately and I expect the same from my staff. I also have zero patience for incompetent drivers, wait staff, and salespeople. If you managed to get a driver's license, learn to use it properly. If you chose either of those above professions, at least do it with style. But when it comes to friends and family I give my heart and soul unconditionally; and in return I expect at least 90 per cent of the same. For them I practice patience.
To the person who I referenced above with the "even older issues" - if you ever decide to read this - I will only lose my patience with you when I unequivocally know your happiness will suffer...and I am starting to lose my patience.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Hey Stranger
It has been a while.
I signed up to do this in November, but the commitment-phobe I am couldn't remember to update daily.
But with a little love and support from friends who blog, I am going to give this 'the good ol' college try.'
Not that anyone, at this point is reading this, but for history's sake. I am publicly apologizing.
Probably the first of many times I will do so...
I signed up to do this in November, but the commitment-phobe I am couldn't remember to update daily.
But with a little love and support from friends who blog, I am going to give this 'the good ol' college try.'
Not that anyone, at this point is reading this, but for history's sake. I am publicly apologizing.
Probably the first of many times I will do so...
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