For All the Ladies Out There

A good friend of mine sent this to me and she suggested I post it.
I do not know who the original author is, but I would like to credit her (or him!). So if anyone knows, please tell me.

These are words to live by:

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve
then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself
a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant,
why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has
more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.
Oh Lord!? If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way
street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is
nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists
of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and
your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

How a One Night Stand Can Go Oh-So-Wrong

As promised, I'm sharing a very personal one-night stand story.
It's funny and horrifying all in one. I think more horrifying for me, but entertaining for everyone else.

Here it goes:
Context - I was at school in the UK and it was our last night before we went home after class the following day. I was staying at a bed & breakfast in town.

This is an email I sent to my friends the following morning, still a little drunk.
_______________________________________________________________________________

So it was our last night out as a group here in Carlisle, UK. We went out for dinner to a nice Italian restaurant, had a fair amount of wine, and then we decided to go to some "pubs"... more a la clubs.

We go to one bar called Rouge where the DJ is a cross dresser...we left just before the chair dancing and flame throwing.

Rebecca and I went to another club called Mood. At first lame, but then got busy and reminded me of my Guelph days at The Palace.

I end up talking to this guy Mike (that should have been red flag number one...I swear that name is cursed for me!). We're getting along fine...he's fine, nothing that makes my heart go GA BOOM or anything, but as they say here...Heee's awww riiiiight!

Chatting away and I'm thinking, does he notice that I need to get my eyebrows done?

Apparently not.

After a while of good banter, he suggests we leave the bar...together!

You know this totally isn't me...I mean, I am the BIGGEST chicken on earth.

Rebecca (married with 2 kids) says she wants to stay at the bar...she was beyond any drunkety drunk drunk I've EVER been. She told me to leave and promised she'd get home okay. I hesitated a thousand times, but she shoved me out the door. So Michael/Mike and I left for the good ol' B&B.

He's from Yorkshire, and I make some ever-so-witty classic me pun about Yorkshire pudding and he takes that as a non-confidence vote in the sex department. I successfully recovered, and we had a good laugh walking home.

Back at my place, I go for it...we're kissing and all that nonsense...you don't need full details.

Then here's where a full gamut of nights past with the recent ex and Sex and the City episodes run through my head. 1) This isn't nearly as good as it was with my ex dumb putz 2) Am I ever going to be able to feel good with someone else...ever again? 3) Seriously? He doesn't notice my eyebrows need threading? 4) Good thing I'm that high maintenance I even got a bikini wax 5) Good thing I happen to have protection 6) When did the _SS get on the menu? 7) Wow...he's into this. Maybe this isn't so bad after all 8) UCH! NO! I need to figure out how I'm going to get this guy to go home!

Back to number 6 you say? YEAH! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT??? EW!!!!
And we're all lucky in a moment of shame this morning I deleted the picture I took of him scrubbing up in my shower!

Oh and he WASN'T CIRCUMCISED!!!! OH G-D!!! No offence but good lord it's OOOGLAY!

Between Charlotte's reaction to that guy and his "turtle neck" and Miranda and the ass man, and Carrie learning to have sex like a man...I'm thinking more than enjoying.

AND THEN....

It doesn't happen.

I don't get there no matter how hard I try, and alas...he can't stay hard. He apologizes profusely...blaming the fact that he had too much to drink. I said "its okay...its not only you. I've never done this with anyone I haven't loved."
And there it was...so I loved the ex commitment phobe. I mean, I knew I seriously liked him...but love? I don't think I thought so until I just said it.

So, no successful sex, condom thrown in the garbage, and he decides to stay and snuggle. That was nice-ish...the rest was brutal though. I thought to myself "okay, you can check that whole one night stand thing off your list now."

He fell asleep and started snoring. I booted him out at 3:00.

He wouldn't leave!! He kept saying "I'm not a bad man I swear!"...and kept putting the covers back over him. I'm like "I know, but you're snoring and I need to sleep and go to class in the morning." I whined and got stern, and threw him out.

He left a nice Lacoste watch behind....at least I got something good out of the evening.

Uch! I feel gross!

Its definitely going in the book. Chapter title either "the worst sex I never had" or "Jewish girl sees uncircumcised penis for the first time"

I go with title #1