How to Nicely Dump a Man/Boy/Guy

It's never easy to break-up with someone.

Why does it seem just as difficult to tell someone after a date or two that you're not into them as it is to break-off a long-term relationship?

I went out with a guy recently on one real date and one half date (he joined in on brunch with me and his sister - the yenta of this matchmaking situation). On the real date we simply went to a semi-cute (actually pretty mediocre) restaurant and shared a pizza. No booze. Just water.

The conversation was fine, but like most bad dates, it was interview style. No umph. No spark. Don't even think of kissing me goodnight.

The restaurant was not far from my apartment, so we walked there and back. As we stood outside my apartment door saying goodnight, he asked to come in. I nicely said no, that "my apartment was a mess." He said, "Seriously? You're not going to let me up?" I replied, "No, my apartment is a mess."

Um.
GET THE HINT!

1)This is just the first date - what exactly are you expecting?
2)It wasn't such a brilliant date anyway, so really...WHAT ARE YOU EXPECTING??

I let the evening wash over me and thought about the guy. Nice? Yes. Good looking? Not especially, but that's a subjective thing. One man's feast is another man's poison. Chemistry? None.

Anyway, I was luckily going out of town for a week following the date, and in his follow-up call I specifically said, "I will call YOU." Did he listen? Nope!

He called the minute I was back in town.

I dodged his calls for a few days and then finally mustered-up the courage to do the phone version of "it's not me, it's you."

I called him back as a friend of mine was coming over for a nice summer walk. I figured having her show up would be a good ending point, but the guy didn't take the "thanks but no thanks" too well. 36 minutes and 36 seconds later according to my cell phone, I had to convince him I wasn't the girl for him.

It turned into a therapy session.

In this case, I think it's my fault. I should have just said, "Look, I'm just not into you." (or something similar). But I went on about how wonderful he was, but I was wanting to see how it went with someone else. That led him to ask me if it didn't work out with bachelor number one, would I give him a chance. That just made me think he was pathetic.

My girlfriend and I were out for the walk this entire time and she was restraining herself from rolling on the ground laughing hysterically.

So here's my tip to the ladies out there:

1) Break it off quickly. If you feel you need to go the phone route then just be sure you have the guts (unlike me) to cut the conversation short. Don't cater to their ego, or lack thereof.

2) Berger did it on a post-it note, why can't we? Men insist on texting or PINing us to make plans and to chat, why not use it to break things off? Its quick and painless.

3) Remember, if you're dumping the guy after one or two dates, you shouldn't feel badly about it. If they're giving you the guilt like this dude did to me, then there's something wrong with him. If this is a month or so later and you've been dating a lot, then show a little compassion - hang in there for the 36 minutes. You never know when you may bump into them again. You also never know if they have a really hot single friend.