Social Lubricant

I used to be of the opinion that I'd rather eat my calories than drink them.
More than four years ago, when I finally rid myself of Michael #2 (the M-series to come in later posts) and finally felt good about myself, I lost a lot of weight; so in the name of calorie counting, and in turn sobriety, I went "dry" for a few years.

I even got through several torturous dates without so much as a lick of vodka (the lowest calorie choice) or white wine (I learned the hard way not to drink red in public - not just for the teeth staining factor, but also many cute tops have been ruined by red wine mishaps).

However lately, I've come to appreciate the value this social lubricant has in various situations. A first date goes that little bit smoother (even though I'm still not sure I'd want to kiss him); a casual party of a melange of social groups is that much more fun; and patience with an old friend with even older issues, stays tried and true.

Not that I'm promoting alcoholism, I'm not. I adore my liver and make sure to detox is seasonally. I just value the gift of the greater gab booze provides.

Two of my favs:

CAVE DE TURCKHEIM GEWURZTRAMINER RÉSERVE 2005, $ 19.80

CONUNDRUM $ 25.95

Both are available at the LCBO in the Vintages section.

So girls (or in some cases boys), if you're going to come to a party, immediately go to the other side of the room and talk to the person you arrived with - drink up. Come over to the centre of the room where the majority are; you never know, you might have a good time and make some new [facebook] friends.

For those in a one-on-one situation, heed my advice: if after a glass or two you're still thinking thoughts of nausea rather than lust, gracefully exit the situation and move on to the next bachelor.

And re: my comment on patience. I am probably one of the most impatient people around. When asked to do something, I get it done immediately and I expect the same from my staff. I also have zero patience for incompetent drivers, wait staff, and salespeople. If you managed to get a driver's license, learn to use it properly. If you chose either of those above professions, at least do it with style. But when it comes to friends and family I give my heart and soul unconditionally; and in return I expect at least 90 per cent of the same. For them I practice patience.

To the person who I referenced above with the "even older issues" - if you ever decide to read this - I will only lose my patience with you when I unequivocally know your happiness will suffer...and I am starting to lose my patience.