A More Serious Issue - Charity and Giving

While I normally focus on the lighter side of life, there is something plaguing my mind lately - the concept of charity and giving.

Some of us give money, some of us give time, some of us just lend a helping hand. Is one form of giving more charitable than another?

I think I do a lot of different charitable things. Whether I'm supporting a dear friend in his Hoops 4 Israel project, chairing committees for the Pediatric Oncology Group of Ontario, delivering food to families in need, or occasionally giving money to people on the street.

About giving money to people on the street: A friend of mine once took a strip off me for giving money to one of the several Yorkville hobos (and I'm not talking coveted handbags here). She said I'm contributing to "the problem" by giving them money. I'm not sure if I'm the enabler here - if I'm endorsing their practice of making a living simply by begging or if I am sincerely helping someone who is mentally and perhaps physically, unable to have a job.

There is one gentleman who I see in various locations south of Davenport on Avenue Road, Cumberland and Bellair. He was clearly traumatized by a fire or chemical accident. His skin is badly charred and scarred, he's missing a lot of teeth, his fingers are now stubs with blackened tips and his speech is pretty incomprehensible. On first glance though, you can see he's not only disfigured on the outside, but he's hurt inside and has a heart of gold.

Yes there's the drunken dude who has claimed the stairs outside Hugo Boss and Hemingway's as his standard spot. He originally began his "career" sporting a surgical halo. Since then he's lost 20 plus pounds (lucky man...sorry its true!), but continues to just keep his hand out to passersby.

Not that it takes sporadic yelling, or preachy diatribes to make one think, 'Wow this person really HAS a problem!' but I often wonder what stops this man from having a job of any kind. I once worked in a call centre for a summer selling timeshare exchange- after that I'm confident to say ANYONE can have a job.

The scarred man however, is the one I give to anytime I see him. I figure there is no job waiting for him nor a caring partner at home with a warm meal or comfy bed. Is giving money to him contributing to the greater economic problem? My friend may think so, but I don't.

As I emptied my wallet (of a lame ten bucks) to him yesterday on my walk home, I turned off my iPod to wish him well. In the past I've heard him say, "G-D bless you" so after I gave him the money I automatically said "G-D bless YOU." Saying that automatically after a sneeze is simply habit - yesterday I sincerely meant it.

But when I walked away, before I turned my iPod back on I heard him say thank you. I turned around to face him and said "you're welcome" but my heart sank. He smiled as did I, but I walked away feeling guilty. I wondered if he wanted more than just money. Did he even want money at all? He put his hand out toward me and even though I was listening to music, I felt I didn't misunderstand the gesture.

Would it have killed me to stand there longer and see if he wanted to chat? What if he has no one to talk to? Not that I'm the best person to be his temporary buddy, but maybe he just wanted a human connection. I felt like I should have hugged him.

Me, the personal space issue and germaphobe queen, felt like I should have at least rubbed his shoulder or given him more than ten seconds of my time.

I've seen him several times before and I'm sure I will see him again but what if that moment he needed more than just cash and I didn't give as I should have.

Where does the charity line stop? Does it stop? Is it charity or just humanity?

Does collecting silent auction items for a glitzy gala that generates only a couple thousand dollars to the cause after salaries are paid worth it?

Does handing out bagels and fruit at a basketball tournament really make a difference to the targeted children in need?

I guess my Jewish guilt is forever churning, which is a positive sign that I am likely a good person beneath all of my shallow commentary.

I just don't know what the right thing to do ACTUALLY IS anymore.