I have found it difficult lately saying no...to repeat dates.
As per my last post, I mentioned a few nice fellows who have expressed an interest in me, but the mojo is nowhere to be found.
The latest Michael has been calling but I've only texted back.
He called last Thursday and as busy as I've been (hence the shortage on blog entries), I could have made a few moments to call if I really liked the guy...right?
But I didn't.
The guilt is killing me though.
Do I call and just say no thank you? Or do I just leave it alone...
I don't want to have the reputation of a bitch or a badly-mannered girl/woman - it's just awkward. I mean, do you ever really want to be on the receiving end of that call? Do you want someone to say to you "look, I'm just not that into you" over the phone?
And I'm not willing to sacrifice any other time to be a mensch and go out with him to then dump him. Granted I'd have a clearer conscience but I'd also end up with the bill...and probably a several awkward silences on top of it.
My team of advisers have suggested I just let it go. Don't call, don't text.
Thank goodness for call display so I can screen his calls.
Here's to hoping I'm not cursed in the love department for life because I'm really just saying no (thank you).
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
I've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'...In Fact, I Can't Find It At All
Scenario #1 - Drinks at a cute College Street bar for Friday night. Good scene. Flowing conversation. A little awkward at moments, but overall a good date. He's nice, looks like Jason Biggs(ish), very sweet, endearing mannerisms; he's a gentleman. Not a lot of spark, but definitely worth a second date.
Scenario #2 - Dinner at an upscale restaurant downtown. Never in a million years would I go there as a casual thing. This is an anniversary-worthy establishment. He's sweet, smart, established, engaged once, married once - now separated, Bay Street meets creative genius. I dig it, but I can't think about kissing it...I mean, him. No butterflies, but I'll give it a second shot.
Scenario # 3 - Casual friends. Continuous rounds of dirty texting, flirting, and cute getting-to-know-eachother moments.
All nice looking
All successful
All nice guys
All menches
All interested in me.
...But I am NOT interested in them! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???
Why am I not attracted to anyone lately? I dream of a three-year-ago ex on a semi-regular basis, hoping he'll change and come back to me, when deep down I know he's not for me long-term either.
I just don't get it.
I've lost my mojo.
I have better dreams about Dr. McDreamy (I know it's pathetic) than any man I've ever dated or who is currently courting me.
SERIOUSLY?!!!!
WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?
Slap me stupid and call me Stella...'cause I seriously need to get my groove back.
...So...anyone got a cute 30-something Jewish bachelor with his shit together to send my way?
Scenario #2 - Dinner at an upscale restaurant downtown. Never in a million years would I go there as a casual thing. This is an anniversary-worthy establishment. He's sweet, smart, established, engaged once, married once - now separated, Bay Street meets creative genius. I dig it, but I can't think about kissing it...I mean, him. No butterflies, but I'll give it a second shot.
Scenario # 3 - Casual friends. Continuous rounds of dirty texting, flirting, and cute getting-to-know-eachother moments.
All nice looking
All successful
All nice guys
All menches
All interested in me.
...But I am NOT interested in them! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???
Why am I not attracted to anyone lately? I dream of a three-year-ago ex on a semi-regular basis, hoping he'll change and come back to me, when deep down I know he's not for me long-term either.
I just don't get it.
I've lost my mojo.
I have better dreams about Dr. McDreamy (I know it's pathetic) than any man I've ever dated or who is currently courting me.
SERIOUSLY?!!!!
WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?
Slap me stupid and call me Stella...'cause I seriously need to get my groove back.
...So...anyone got a cute 30-something Jewish bachelor with his shit together to send my way?
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Getting Emotionally Di__ed Around
I have my weak moments when it comes to (most of) my exes.
Really it's only Michael 2001 to 2003 that I really don't want to speak to again. Not only because he's a whiny woe-is-me cry baby, but it also reminds me what a fool I was to date him for so long. Two years of my life were completely wasted in that relationship. I can honestly say I regret dating him.
Since then, while I've dated primarily the douchebag contingency of the Greater Jewish Toronto Area, I still have my marshmallow episodes for a select few.
First, there's the one non-Michael. We'll call him Virgo. After dating Dr. Jerkass and being completely terrified of the opposite sex, I decided to get right back on the proverbial horse and date again. My friend who set me up with Virgo made sure he wasn't a shmuck. In fact, it came up in conversation once that he knew I asked that question.
He was adorable. The typical dark, Jewish, furry type. My type. He was very smart, well-read, strong interest in popular culture, loved to do the same things, and of course...there were sparks.
I remember I was so nervous around him we didn't kiss until the fourth date. We'd go out and when it was time to get out of the car I'd hug him and run. I was a dork. But he stuck with it...with me.
When we finally kissed on that fourth date, it was intense. It was the tantra of kisses.
Everything after that was a blur.
We'd have 10-hour dates primarily in the confines of his bedroom and the time flew like we had only seen each other for 10 minutes.
Four months later things were still going really well, but something was missing. I was in shock as to how happy I was. I finally was with someone who I REALLY liked.
Did I see marriage?
Not necessarily.
Not yet.
Did I see tomorrow? Next week? Next month?
Absolutely.
But to keep him, I felt like I was dancing on eggshells. My parents noted how hyper and eager to please I had become. Cooking for him all the time, being accomodating always doing what he wanted to do on dates.
In all of this, I didn't let Virgo in. While falling for him, I still didn't let him know who I was. He didn't know I was sarcastic and funny, he didn't really know I was smart. We operated on a very superficial level.
One night I remember cooking him dinner and while I was cleaning up I mentioned that I sold some jewellery M2001-2003 had bought me. I said, "he never got me." And Virgo replied, "sometimes I think you don't get me."
He was right. I was so busy trying to be perfect, I just didn't get it or really get him.
That night we broke up.
We didn't talk for a few weeks, but then we started to again. It took us a month to see each other, and when we did we physically got into old habits. It wasn't working. But I missed him and didn't want to let go.
He couldn't be friends and clearly neither could I.
Flash forward three years later he still can't be my friend. We've bumped into each other at a few "do's" in the last six months or so and its been fine. Actually more than fine. Yet part of me feels thrown back three years when we do see each other.
He wouldn't accept me on Facebook last summer, yet this summer he added me to LinkedIn. What's that about? Is that an olive branch? We email once in a while. We remember each other's birthdays.
It's torture.
Then there's M2007, which I'm not so hurt about. I wasn't that into him if I was going to be honest with myself but I liked having him around.
After we broke up HE wanted to stay friends. I wasn't that into it. Turns out we weren't good at being friends anyway. He'd email and say, "Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you today. Call you this weekend???" And he'd never call.
He offered to take me out for my birthday. He never did.
He said he wanted to see my new apartment. He never came over.
He was always a constant disappointment...and the expectations or the required actions were never that high to begin with.
But I am big on birthdays and this one for him is a biggie. So I decided to text Michael the other day counting the sleeps until he turned 30. He replied with "I miss your smile hun."
WHAT IS THAT???
You don't put that kind of sappy shmoopy shit out there and not expect me to be a little "what the????" about it. Don't dick me around!
And if you can't be my friend on stupid f%$&ing Facebook then don't talk to me at all!!
What kind of gratification do men get from emotionally manipulating women?
Is it power?
Wow. Woo hoo I can make a chick crazy.
Yeah...that's something to put on a CV.
Really it's only Michael 2001 to 2003 that I really don't want to speak to again. Not only because he's a whiny woe-is-me cry baby, but it also reminds me what a fool I was to date him for so long. Two years of my life were completely wasted in that relationship. I can honestly say I regret dating him.
Since then, while I've dated primarily the douchebag contingency of the Greater Jewish Toronto Area, I still have my marshmallow episodes for a select few.
First, there's the one non-Michael. We'll call him Virgo. After dating Dr. Jerkass and being completely terrified of the opposite sex, I decided to get right back on the proverbial horse and date again. My friend who set me up with Virgo made sure he wasn't a shmuck. In fact, it came up in conversation once that he knew I asked that question.
He was adorable. The typical dark, Jewish, furry type. My type. He was very smart, well-read, strong interest in popular culture, loved to do the same things, and of course...there were sparks.
I remember I was so nervous around him we didn't kiss until the fourth date. We'd go out and when it was time to get out of the car I'd hug him and run. I was a dork. But he stuck with it...with me.
When we finally kissed on that fourth date, it was intense. It was the tantra of kisses.
Everything after that was a blur.
We'd have 10-hour dates primarily in the confines of his bedroom and the time flew like we had only seen each other for 10 minutes.
Four months later things were still going really well, but something was missing. I was in shock as to how happy I was. I finally was with someone who I REALLY liked.
Did I see marriage?
Not necessarily.
Not yet.
Did I see tomorrow? Next week? Next month?
Absolutely.
But to keep him, I felt like I was dancing on eggshells. My parents noted how hyper and eager to please I had become. Cooking for him all the time, being accomodating always doing what he wanted to do on dates.
In all of this, I didn't let Virgo in. While falling for him, I still didn't let him know who I was. He didn't know I was sarcastic and funny, he didn't really know I was smart. We operated on a very superficial level.
One night I remember cooking him dinner and while I was cleaning up I mentioned that I sold some jewellery M2001-2003 had bought me. I said, "he never got me." And Virgo replied, "sometimes I think you don't get me."
He was right. I was so busy trying to be perfect, I just didn't get it or really get him.
That night we broke up.
We didn't talk for a few weeks, but then we started to again. It took us a month to see each other, and when we did we physically got into old habits. It wasn't working. But I missed him and didn't want to let go.
He couldn't be friends and clearly neither could I.
Flash forward three years later he still can't be my friend. We've bumped into each other at a few "do's" in the last six months or so and its been fine. Actually more than fine. Yet part of me feels thrown back three years when we do see each other.
He wouldn't accept me on Facebook last summer, yet this summer he added me to LinkedIn. What's that about? Is that an olive branch? We email once in a while. We remember each other's birthdays.
It's torture.
Then there's M2007, which I'm not so hurt about. I wasn't that into him if I was going to be honest with myself but I liked having him around.
After we broke up HE wanted to stay friends. I wasn't that into it. Turns out we weren't good at being friends anyway. He'd email and say, "Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you today. Call you this weekend???" And he'd never call.
He offered to take me out for my birthday. He never did.
He said he wanted to see my new apartment. He never came over.
He was always a constant disappointment...and the expectations or the required actions were never that high to begin with.
But I am big on birthdays and this one for him is a biggie. So I decided to text Michael the other day counting the sleeps until he turned 30. He replied with "I miss your smile hun."
WHAT IS THAT???
You don't put that kind of sappy shmoopy shit out there and not expect me to be a little "what the????" about it. Don't dick me around!
And if you can't be my friend on stupid f%$&ing Facebook then don't talk to me at all!!
What kind of gratification do men get from emotionally manipulating women?
Is it power?
Wow. Woo hoo I can make a chick crazy.
Yeah...that's something to put on a CV.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Forgetting What It's Like On the Other Side of the Fence
How many times have we cursed at the phone, or rather the person who is supposed to be on the other end of the phone, because he did not call?
How many times have we cried and cried because our hearts have been broken (dare I say, we've been dumped?)
But yet, we forget what it's like to be on the other side of that fence.
We forget that it hurts too, to be the dumper. It's not fun hurting someone else's feelings.
But this post isn't going to get so deep. This is about being on the side of the tracks that doesn't call but before it gets emotionally challenging. This is the courting stage.
As you know I'm a half-ass Jdater. I don't have a picture up, I don't pay, I go on it maybe once a week if that.
While on there a few weeks ago a guy - wouldn't you know his name was Michael - contacted me. As he turned out to be related to a friend of mine, I decided to give him the benefit of (one of) my real email address(es). This led to adding of the msn addresses and a day-long witty back and forth.
Then things went a bit too far - we added each other's BlackBerry PIN numbers. That's a big step! That's like three steps short of exchanging keys!
On top of that, he added me to Facebook!
I went with it because I knew I could easily delete the dude, but at the time I was thinking, "WOAH! SLOW IT DOWN A LITTLE BUDDY!"
So blah blah blah lots of talking, lots of laughing...seems like an okay guy
And then I was going away for a long weekend - Friday to Monday. He wished me a good trip, said we'd talk when I came home; but when I came back...nothing.
So I blocked him from my msn. I mean seriously, why make it THAT easy for him to get in touch with me. He's had my phone number for over a week now - he should step it up...grow some balls.
Nothing.
And then, on a Friday afternoon I see on my msn "Email Inbox (1 new message)"
The email reads
Subject: "hey"
Body: "So...wanna go for a drink sometime?"
I'm annoyed.
A few days later (and after much deliberation and third party input) I email back and say that I haven't been online much lately, wasn't checking that address and suggested calling.
He still emailed back.
He called the next night and I was unavailable to pick up the phone at the moment...thank G-D.
At this point there's been too much pre-date stuff that I've lost interest.
Call me rigid.
Call me impatient.
Call me whatever you like, but if you're going to ask me out have the balls to JUST DO IT! Bless those Nike marketers.
And now I've just deleted him from everything: MSN, BlackBerry, Facebook and my cell.
To my point though. I don't think (at least I hope) no one feels like this when they're on this side of the fence with me. I hope no one thinks that I'm such a complete doofus that they hate seeing my name on call display or they dread the idea of me calling/emailing them.
I'm sure I've been blocked - I don't kid myself into thinking I'm loved by all; but I certainly hope the other side of the fence - when it comes to me - is a lot more pleasant...perhaps a little greener...with excitement.
How many times have we cried and cried because our hearts have been broken (dare I say, we've been dumped?)
But yet, we forget what it's like to be on the other side of that fence.
We forget that it hurts too, to be the dumper. It's not fun hurting someone else's feelings.
But this post isn't going to get so deep. This is about being on the side of the tracks that doesn't call but before it gets emotionally challenging. This is the courting stage.
As you know I'm a half-ass Jdater. I don't have a picture up, I don't pay, I go on it maybe once a week if that.
While on there a few weeks ago a guy - wouldn't you know his name was Michael - contacted me. As he turned out to be related to a friend of mine, I decided to give him the benefit of (one of) my real email address(es). This led to adding of the msn addresses and a day-long witty back and forth.
Then things went a bit too far - we added each other's BlackBerry PIN numbers. That's a big step! That's like three steps short of exchanging keys!
On top of that, he added me to Facebook!
I went with it because I knew I could easily delete the dude, but at the time I was thinking, "WOAH! SLOW IT DOWN A LITTLE BUDDY!"
So blah blah blah lots of talking, lots of laughing...seems like an okay guy
And then I was going away for a long weekend - Friday to Monday. He wished me a good trip, said we'd talk when I came home; but when I came back...nothing.
So I blocked him from my msn. I mean seriously, why make it THAT easy for him to get in touch with me. He's had my phone number for over a week now - he should step it up...grow some balls.
Nothing.
And then, on a Friday afternoon I see on my msn "Email Inbox (1 new message)"
The email reads
Subject: "hey"
Body: "So...wanna go for a drink sometime?"
I'm annoyed.
A few days later (and after much deliberation and third party input) I email back and say that I haven't been online much lately, wasn't checking that address and suggested calling.
He still emailed back.
He called the next night and I was unavailable to pick up the phone at the moment...thank G-D.
At this point there's been too much pre-date stuff that I've lost interest.
Call me rigid.
Call me impatient.
Call me whatever you like, but if you're going to ask me out have the balls to JUST DO IT! Bless those Nike marketers.
And now I've just deleted him from everything: MSN, BlackBerry, Facebook and my cell.
To my point though. I don't think (at least I hope) no one feels like this when they're on this side of the fence with me. I hope no one thinks that I'm such a complete doofus that they hate seeing my name on call display or they dread the idea of me calling/emailing them.
I'm sure I've been blocked - I don't kid myself into thinking I'm loved by all; but I certainly hope the other side of the fence - when it comes to me - is a lot more pleasant...perhaps a little greener...with excitement.
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