JDate Etiquette

Okay, so I tried the above-mentioned website several years ago and disaster is a very nice way of describing my experience.

A combination of verbally abusive dudes who can't even handle the words "I will give you a call later"- it had to be now, and an odd melange of Jewish riff-raff.

I think the most entertaining wrath I suffered was from the bug-eyed bugger who wooed and cooed for days and when I had to reschedule the date he replied with something like "If I was really interested in you don't you think I would have called?" He even went so far as to make an "old lady" comment.
I can't remember that bit word-for-word at this point, and if I can't quote correctly, I don't quote at all.

What is important to note here is, I never gave him my number. He gave me his. I didn't call him because he was four years younger than me and acted like he was still a pre-pubescent, girl-hating little boy.

At the other end of the JDate spectrum were the two guys I gave more than one date to.

Bachelor #1 - We'll just call him J. J was great at first. Cute, sexy, good talker, great arms. He made me feel beautiful; and he wanted to date me. He'd call me every morning and talked to me for hours. I was between jobs for the first part of our relationship, and even when I started my new job he'd call and we'd talk multiple times throughout the day, never shorter than 30/40 minutes.

But after a while, that's all there was. JUST phone action (and when I say action, I mean we just talked...he'd talk a little dirty, I'd just laugh...it's my thing). We went six weeks without seeing each other, yet he'd still call every day. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?

Long story short, I randomly bumped into him and we re-kindled things - until two weeks later I felt the same pattern happening again. I was done after that.

Next please!

Bachelor #2 - The second JDate disaster was one of the Michael mistakes (Michael #3). He had the makings of a good guy - nerdy cool, witty, good banter, got my humour, not super good looking but sweet St. Bernard dog kind of endearing cute. He was smart - a cardiac resident; every mother's dream. We got along like peas and carrots.

We worked close by and would see each other everyday, go out at night a few times a week, call every lunch hour. We were barfy cute.
He met my parents, called me while I was on vacation (even spoke to my parents too).

And then...
Well...
You know...
Some good clean fun happened. Well to be honest (so honest I even thought it at the time), it wasn't really good. It was fast, it was grunty, it was really dark, and I didn't know I could bend like that.
(sorry...too much?).

He drove me home like the good boyfriend should, kissed me as I got out of the car, texted me to tell me he got home...

...And then I never heard from him again.

What did I do? Was I...bad???

Two days later I called him when his usual call-me hour, and for the second day in a row, our usual rendez-vous afternoon break time passed without a word. I left a voicemail saying "I don't know if something happened, or you're just super busy, or if you just pulled a super jerk manoeuvre on me. Just a tip for ya: the day after is the ONE day you don't NOT call. You've made me feel really cheap, and you're the last person I expected to make me feel this way."

I said that in my most calm and hurt voice possible. Because I was hurt.
Really...just surprised and hurt!

I wasn't a major smitten kitten, I wasn't screaming "I love you" in the moment, I didn't do anything to send him running. I didn't get it.

He actually called that night but I missed it. He left a message and when I called back I got voicemail. Two days later and still nothing.

That was the first time I ever had an anxiety attack. I woke up and I couldn't breathe. In a panic I called Michael to say "I don't get it. I don't know what went wrong. If I don't hear from you, then I'll know."

And I never heard from him again.

That was Yom Kippur weekend and all I could think "G-D better threaten him to keep his spot in the book of life." I was in shock this had happened.

The next week I bumped into a high school/camp friend. She was finishing med school and was telling me where she was doing her latest rotation. I happened to say to her "Oh I was just dating someone there." She asked me his name, I told her, and her face went blank...

"Me too!" she said.

The lights dimmed, yoga was starting. We just looked at each other and went to our mats.
55 minutes later..."Namaste" and we ran to each other to get our respective scoops.

Here it was. Michael met me before her, but I was into moron J (as above) and then he met her. He and I got back in touch one fine August day, and that was the day he dumped her. Literally dumped.
She was all but planning the wedding while he was getting into things with me. One month later he called her to try and go out again - quelle surprise...I happened to be on vacation; the same vacation he called me on to say hi.

At the time this girl and I lived down the street from each other. You'd naturally think he would have thought of one while picking up the other.

He took us on the same dates.
Fed us the same shmaltzy lines.

The only difference was, he made us feel like nothing in two very different ways.

I never cried over him after I spoke to her that night.
I did however, lose all my faith in men at that very moment.

As I told all my friends this story, they spread the word around to others. Amazingly, lots of other girls who he had slept with and never called again, came out of the woodwork.

It's safe to say, I had a good hand in outing him and thereby forcing him to go undercover on JDate. It wasn't long until the majority of the Jewish female population had heard about him and he couldn't get any more dates.

He wonders why an irate girl chased him around Yorkdale mall. Not me...I only know about that because it was one of his "girls are crazy because" first date stories. What I thought was a hilarious tale, I now thought was completely understandable.

Anyway, the next guy I dated didn't get to know the real me. He got a very tense, semi-shy, eager-to-please girl with no opinion of her own and a fear of sex (or rather what happens after it).

Several relationships and four years later I'm debating...do I go back on the big J?

I caved and I tried the other night.

I go for the live chat, then move to msn (big steps here by the way). And then the guy sent me his picture.

Um...

My heart definitely didn't skip a beat.

So I ask you what is the proper etiquette here? Do I simply excuse myself from the situation (as I did) blaming it on a phone call or a pending tornado? Keep him on the msn-only track and eventually block him? I certainly don't feel compelled to share what I look like with most of these men.

Or...do I go out on a date with every shlump that asks? (I mean it would translate into some pretty entertaining blog posts).

I vote for A or B.

I'm done with the shlumps. I'm waiting for Jude Law.